Getting to Know Me...

I figured, it's been a while since I have written on here, so for those who read it here was my wknd:


I just had an amazing weekend. A weekend of eyes being opened, dreams being stirred, hearts being encouraged, purposed being awoken. I went the this conference in Surrey called Life Women Conference. There were amazing speakers there such as Helen Burns who pastors at the Family Victory Church in Surrey/Vancouver, also Bobbie Houston was a speaker who along with her husband pastors at the Hillsong church in Australia, then the amazing Charlotte Scanlon-Gambill who with her husband pastors at Abundant Life Ministries in England.
There were about 1000 women attending the conference, all with one purpose, to hear from God. To hear His voice through the worship, through the speakers, through the Holy Spirit pulling on our hearts, what a beautiful atmosphere. I know I left that place wanting to rise up with purpose.

I've been in this funk lately, this lazy, purposeless funk... I've been distracting myself with stuff, consumed by working and sleeping with little or no time for anyone else. In this funk I've been thinking... i guess whining is the word, a lot about what am I going to do with my life? How is this little life of mine gonna be worth it. I'm 22 years old and I've been on mountaintops and I've camped in valleys, I've felt cradled by God and so far away from God, I've been a dreamer and I've been a doubter, but I am not satisfied with what I have had or where I am now. I want more. I was created to want more. I think that's a good place to be... wanting more, but only when this hope and desire is brought to and met by God. Where I've been at these past few months these wants and desires have been empty complaints. They haven't been given or tucked away in prayer, I haven't offered them to my Father. I've held them, and I feel like they're stealing life from me.

Yesterday Charlotte spoke on 1 Samuel 25. A story I can honestly say I had never heard. The story of Abigal, Nabbal and David. Go read it. It's amazing. The basic outline of the story is that Abigail and Nabal were married, not the best match, Nabal's name means "Fool" and Abigail's name means "Joy of her Father". David had been watching over Nabal's land and flock's. One day his men went to Nabal's door to inform him of some news. Nabal with no respect tore into them and offended David. The men told David about this and David's first response was "Men, grab your swords!" That's where women step in :) A servant ran to Abigail to tell her about what has happened. She shared David and his men's cause then said, "can you see what you can do?"

Next it says wasting no time Abigail grabbed loaves of bread, cakes, wineskins, grain, and loaded up her donkey. She took off to go find David, when she found him, she lowered herself and blamed her husband's actions on herself. David responded saying, "Thank God he sent you to me so quickly, you have saved me and others from much bloodshed."

That's all paraphrased of course. But wow... "can you see what you can do." Abigail didn't respond like her servant likely expected... These men were coming to kill all of them, she didn't respond with a sword, she responded out of what she could do. Cakes. Wow. And she saved lives by doing it.

How often do we place our own gifts so low on the totem pole and place so little importance on them and try to do what everyone else is doing and completely miss the mark. God has placed something so specific inside each of us. Something that will change our own life, and save others. The next thing that happens in the story is Abigail goes home and her husband has dropped dead. David then comes and proposes marriage to her. Holy smokes. By being obedient to God at what HE has placed inside of us, he will change our situations, He will bless us, He will turn evil into good.

I was just really challenged by that, by so much more as well. I want to be exactly who God has created me to be, I want to make room for my gifts to grow. I'm tired of crowding them by trying to plant in myself gifts that other people have. I'm tired of pushing the gifts He's given me back in because they look different or I dont have time for them. I want to fully live! Fully for Him! Because even if this weekend was just a glimpse of hope for me and my future, and the life I could be living, I want desperately to walk into that glimpse. I only have one life on this earth. One chance. It's time to get moving... It's time to be me... as He created me..