some little things i've been up to..

some people might wonder what i do with my time, as a photographer.
and then again, some might not. :)

nonetheless, i have been working hard at "backblogging"..or catching up on my blogs that i haven't yet blogged..

i will be posting a post on my site inthe next day with my newest additions. but i wanted to share with you an especially cool project that my friend asked me to be a part of...

my friend's book - check out this link.

tracey

This I will never understand

I lift up my eyes
Looking for help. Looking for love, for life.
Could it be that the maker of heaven and earth wants to be my help?
Wants to reach out his hand to my helpless state?
Why?
Why would the king of the universe want to be by keeper?
Why would he offer to be the shade at my right hand?
My reprieve from the scorching of life?
Why would he offer to preserve me from evil?
Preserve my wayward soul?
How can such a powerful & wise creator want anything to do with my wandering and wanting soul?
Want to know me?
Want to love me?
Want to show me?
This I will never understand.
And for this I am relieved, for an understandable God is just a god.

The Heartbeat

Something is changing...my desire..maybe my heart. One person. Jesus walked. Jesus met one person at a time. This was his mission. One heart. Each individual called by name. He counts the hairs on our head. He knows the grains of sand.
I am so thankful. Thankful that he would not overlook my frame. That he considers each persons ways.
The heartbeat of God.
The heartbeat of man.
I want to love this. I want to love God. I sometimes can't believe that he is real...and that he loves me. It is beyond joy. Beyond hope. Beyond understanding. It is the greatest thing ever. What a surprise...to walk with the divine. To hear the words we are not alone. To know it is not me who creates things ...but God who creates and works out his will in me. It is his joy to simply look at me..and love me as I am. His kindness..leading me to repentance. His kindness drawing me in and thwarting all my past ideas of him. Causing me to not be afraid...drawing me to trust. " I am not mean " " I am love"...." I love you"..." I love you"..." I love you" . I think I can hear his heart almost..his cry his desire to let us know this. His heartaches for all who are lost..all that is lost. My name is Tanya. Prior to a few months ago my life looked a lot different than it does now. When God decides to move us... I am realizing that but for our will to say yes..it has very little to do with us, and very much to do with God's great vision. His desire to grow us into a closer relationship with him and others. I did not know what would happen..otherwise I probably wouldn't have chosen to follow. Sometimes knowing everything...isn't the best thing. I would be scared to jump if I saw every obstacle I was going to face ahead of me. One is enough. One day..I will tell my story in more detail. But for now..I am on a different kind of journey. I have been invited in by Jesus to share life for this season. He has given me a group of friends in Mission Burnaby that I am both surprised by and in awe about. Somehow Jesus new I would need to be surrounded. I have not felt surrounded in my heart like this in a long time. Jesus has brought me into his home so to speak as I live at the house called " mission burnaby" as I find my way to his heart..and his healing. He has surrounded me with people who love him...and who will love me. I am one person. And I am so thankful to Jesus...for his grace to me..and for my friends who will walk this journey with me. Jesus walked with people. One person..at a time. " I love you..." " I love you.." this is what he says.....I can almost hear his heart...and this is mine. Tanya

stop

Slow Down.

Yeah. You.

Breath. Look. Listen. Feel. Understand.

What do you end up doing with a suggestions like that?

Do you ever feel like you are moving so fast that you struggling to just keep up. And then some nut tells you to slow down and you are thinking, you don't know my life!

I am discovering more and more that the faster I move...the more I miss so much of what God has for me...and my life everyday. Moments where He is ready to meet with me. I totally miss them. No clue they were even there.

We have somehow built a culture that glorifies the workaholic - you know, a good steward who "accomplishes" much and pushes hard...or maybe a better way of saying it is a busyaholic. Always going. Always moving. Always doing. Rarely a moment to breath and really see what is around us. Resting. Standing still. Drinkin a coffee and watchin the sun set is hardly profitable...or watching a movie with people you love...waste of time. You with me?

Yesterday Rosie wanted to go for a walk. I had (as usual) lots to do so I really didn't want to. But decided (brilliantly) to go anyways. Honestly, one of the better decisions I have made recently. We walked to Starbucks and she preached to me a discourse on noticing life.

"Dad, name 5 things about trees. Dad, name 5 things about the sky. Dad, name 5 things about mom. etc."

Very stirring for me. And I was not sure why...all I know is that there was an ache in my heart that was not there before...at least not that I had been aware of...or maybe not that I had let myself feel.

Jim Elliot said, "wherever you are, be all there". Seems like the antithesis of my life. I have noticed, in reflection, that I am constantly catching myself living for the next season. Wait until. I can't wait for. That will be. Tomorrow we are going to....

I wrote several months ago about a spiritual discipline called Kavanah. It is a Jewish term that is roughly translated as "pre-meditation"...though it means something deeper than what that word conveys.

It involves a preparedness for us to see that every action can be completed with an orientation towards God. Translation? We can meet with Him, and see Him everywhere and in everything. Its really not about what you are doing...but more about the reality that His Glory can be anywhere...and everywhere.

It is choosing to live a pre meditated life: God, where are you in this? in this? in this person? in this situation?

I can drill an oil well, repair a drain, write a paper, check a patient, study a text, cook a meal, drive a truck, pour a coffee, preach a sermon, watch the sunset, teach a class or ride a bus...and commune with Him. When I embrace all that He has given me and all that I do...and live it with joy...He smiles and His presence is there.

Does this make sense? Problem is that most of us live so fast and so busy, marching to the beat of a task master that drives us to "do"...we miss Him and what He is saying all the time.

So slow down. Try it. Just for a day...or a morning. Look. Listen. Feel. Ask. and let me know how it goes.

Let me leave you with a Prayer by Ken Gire:

Help me, O God,

to have the humility to sit at the feet of great art,

whether is it a painting or a person on the street,

a scene from a movie or a score from a musical

a sunset or a Psalm,

and to look and to listen and to receive what is being offered me there.

Give me grace to submit to its scrutiny,

seeking not to do something to it,

But that it might do something to me;

Seeking not in some way to judge it,

but that it might, in some way, judge me.

eyeswideopen,

j

Risks

Hi, to whoever reads thus…Yes, I am finally writing in the blog. Bout time hey? It’s hard to blog when nothing is really happening in my life personally. (I know excuses, excuses)

Well…Updates, I’ll tell you my journey; not just as info, but as my story and where God has brought me, and bringing me, for I know you all care, and I know you are all praying for me. Thank you for that.
Officially, it’s been two months exactly since I moved to Burnaby. It’s been an amazing journey of self discovery. I’ll give a brief timeline of what has happened in my life so far.

I flew in Nov 15th, on my birthday. It was a wonderful present for me; I was able to see all my friends that I haven’t seen in a long time.
I moved in with Lani into a 3 bedroom apartment, roommates again! Yeah!
Yes, it was interesting getting use to the sky train, bus, and massive amounts of people of so many ethnics. I may be the odd one out, but I love the sky train, sea bus, and the bus. Public transportation is by far better then walking everywhere, and I love that I can say, “thank you” to the bus driver.

(I told you…There was nothing happening)

As I said before, I am on a journey of self discovery. And as I write this to the people who care, hear what Jesus says to you as you walk your journey…I have news.
Ever since being in Burnaby, I have gone through so many questions with God, and have sought his face over and over on what my purpose is in the time I’m here. The one answer He gave me is, “the sky was my limit”. Pretty much, whatever you do, you will you go beyond what you know. He also gave me pictures of me flying, or spreading my wings, and taking risks in jumping, knowing He will provide the wind beneath my wings. My purpose in moving to Burnaby was to build relationships, which meant getting a job. I just wanted to know where I was suppose to work, because everything I’ve tried didn’t work out, every job I was interviewed for didn’t fit me. I had a job for 2 weeks at a deli coffee shop, but it didn’t work out, and I ended up quitting. I have been searching, trying to find the right place for me, finding myself very discouraged about that. I didn’t know hope anymore, or what my dream was, I wrote this in my Renga poem last month,

“I find myself in an unknown abyss
feeling nothing, knowing I was meant to fly.
Seeing hope, but I don't know how to grasp.”

I was going through a hard time, not knowing my purpose in Burnaby. I knew what we are doing is amazing, but don’t know how I fit in the puzzle of the mission.
Then it happened…on January 6th I received an updated letter from the NHOP (National House of Prayer) in Ottawa, it said that they are putting on a program called the Nazarite Call. Calling young adults giving themselves to prayer for the sake of Canada, pressing through on behalf of their generation.
I usually briefly gaze at these letters, but it stirred my spirit to “fly” with this.

One dream God put in my heart a long time ago, is the nation of Canada, my nation. I know that I am called to Canada; I know God has called me to pray for Canada and to fall in love with my country.
After I read this, heart jumped and fell at the same time. I knew I was to go, I knew my hope; God showed me how to chase my dream. But how do you tell a team of people you’ve been with for 2 years in pursuit of Burnaby, that God was calling me to Ottawa?? It was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Let me tell you, I have a bagful of lies, because when I told the team about where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do, I expected everyone to have anger, hurt, frustration, and doubt in me. Instead, I know I shocked them with the news I had, but they in return shocked me. They respond in love and in compassion. They truly were Jesus in those moments, releasing me, (as Tracey said to me),“to fly”. (Confirmation!)It was amazing!

So, in my heart I know I’m going, but I’m in the process of being accepted to go. The program starts in March, and I don’t have enough money to go. As I told my parents about my future journey, they told friends, and a friend of theirs offered me a job in Swift Current to work full time, allowing me to work a month and a half so I can save up for Ottawa. I’m hoping I am able to save enough to go. So, as you read this, I am no longer in Burnaby, but I am back in Saskatchewan living with my Mother and Father. It seems like an over night decision, and I’m sure everyone who reads this is completely shocked, and has many questions and comments. This decision isn’t because I was upset, or frustrated with the city, or Mission Burnaby, or that I'm giving up, but it’s a decision that I know will be the best for my dream ahead.
You may wonder if I was meant to be in Burnaby for those two months…without a doubt, I know that Burnaby was to be my home these past two months.
What Mission Burnaby is, I will take with me wherever I go. I don’t know where my path will take me after this program is over, I’m just trusting God on where He is taking me, in the right direction.
I’m the first sent one from Mission Burnaby; therefore, I am going to still write in the blog on where I am at and keep you updated. If you need more details email or phone me. I love you all. Keep praying.
This is the site for NHOP; it has more details on what I’ll be doing.
www.nhop.ca
Thank you family.

Megan MacQuin

P.S. Thank you for reading my book:)

...a bit of life...

So I was talking to a friend tonight and I realized I haven't really let anyone know about my new job... so what better way but to blog it! At the end of December I started working with the YMCA working at a school in Coquitlam doing before and after school care for kids from Grade 1-7. It's been really great... early mornings but is a split shift so i can come home and nap if need be!

Also yesterday Bri started at a new job too similar to the home for at risk youth that he's been working at this last little while, only it's full time now! hallelujah! how exciting! no more all night shifts!

Things still aren't necessarily "normal" for us out here yet, we're still trying to get into the swing of things... trying to get used to the rain and the people and the transit... still trying to wrestle through the culture shocking... we've been here for over 6 months and some days it feels as new as day 1...

God's so faithful though. I was going through a hard time and God began releasing hope in my heart. It was as if He unveiled my eyes to what 'could be' out here. I came out here following the dream of community and living as Jesus intended, and as that dream is still alive in all of us, God has begun opening my heart wider, He's allowing me to dream this dream of MissionBurnaby but also the dreams that lay in mine and bri's hearts.

I don't really know what it's gonna look like... not one bit, but i know i'm refreshed =)

Hey Yo

Hello friends,
This is my first official blog on the "Mission Burnaby" sight. I am known to write novels to explain myself..but this time I am just going to post a song I have was listening to this morning. God always seems to talk to me through music. I wonder why?? :) I am learning always about getting more honest...and this song for me wraps up my journey thus far...thanks for being a part of it and allowing me to be a part of yours...little t

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

Sweeter Words

Renga with the Psalms again…. The 2nd portion is Ps. 119:103 and the 4th is Ps. 119:111. The 1st and 3rd are mine…

My heart, it aches to hear Your voice,
To know Your truth in the core of my bones.
To feel the songs You sing over me
And understand Your desire.

“How sweet are your words to my taste,
Sweeter than honey to my mouth.”

They sustain me in the desert place,
They hold my head up as I walk the valley floor.
That no other voice would echo through my mind,
Is my heart’s desire morn til night.

“Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever,
For they are the rejoicing of my heart.”

Faithfully at my back

Renga with the Psalms… (unsure of what Renga is? Look at the Dec 14th entry)

The first section is Ps. 119:82-83 and the last is Ps. 119:90. The in between is mine…


“My eyes fail looking for Your promise;
I say “When will you comfort me?”
Though I am like a wineskin in smoke,
I do not forget your decrees.”

I wander left to right,
Searching to and fro for your design,
I say, “In what do You inhabit?”
“Where can my spirit go to meet with Yours?”
In all my steps, when You feel far,
I turn and find You close, at my back,
Or by my side, comfort in my step and misstep.

“Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
You established the earth, and it abides.”

dreamers

Yes, a dandelion
because they are the flower
of wishes. You blow that ball
of seeds and the wind carries them to the one
assigned to grant or reject.
And its a good thing
that it's the dandelions
who have this power
because they are tough
and sometimes you have to be tough
to even remember
that you have any desires left at all,
to believe that even one
could be satisfied, would not turn
to an example of
"be careful what you wish for,
it might come true."
Maybe that's exactly why
there are so many of them -
the universe gives us extra chances
to keep dreaming.
Each one an uprising,
a burst of color
in the cracks of our hearts,
sunrise
at an unexpected time,
in an unexpected place.

Ellie Schoenfield, "Lucien's Birthday Poem"

Awake dreamers!
j

thoughts

There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else.

C.S. Lewis

The Problem of Pain

Danger vs. Safety. The Known vs. The Unknown. Courage vs. Fear.

Are certain people geared for the unknown? And the rest relegated to comparative boringness?

Couple thoughts. Have you ever read The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien? There has always been a scene in the story that has struck me as powerful. Gandalf shows up and 'prophecies' over Bilbo these words: There is more to you than you know. He said this, knowing that within the hobbit's veins coursed two kinds of blood.

There was the Baggins side: known for the expected, the reasonable, the 'normal, the 'don't rock the boat' and safe attitude.

And then there was the Took side: the adventurous, the danger loving, risk taking, dreaming, 'swashbuckling' and roll the dice hunger.

You and I are exactly the same. Two blood lines. And two tendencies. We live with the reality of the human and of the divine...regardless of whether we are aware of it or not. I think the problem we have is that most of time we live burrowed away in our hobbit holes and don't give a thought to our heritage.

Bilbo didn't. At least not until Gandalf showed up...and he showed up at the front door of Bilbo's hobbit hole...and before Bilbo could get the door shut a dozen motley dwarves were there too...and at the swinging of a door, Bilbo's life would never be the same. Suddenly he found himself entertaining people(dwarves) he did not want to entertain, feeding who he did not want to feed, listening to things he had no interest in, spending energy he could and would have much rather spent on something much more worth while. Yet, after plopping himself down on the hearth in front of his fire, exhausted, he heard something. The dwarves began to sing an ancient song, and as he listened "something tookish woke up inside of him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking stick."

Certain movies do it to me. examples? Remember the Titans. Cinderella Man. Rent. It's a Wonderful Life. The list is endless.

Music does it. examples? O Canada when Celine Dion sings it. Planet Shaker's Send Me. Rachmaninoff's Vespers. Dream Theater's Metropolis. Linkin Park's On the Inside.

Writing does it. Rudyard Kipling's IF. Ranier Maria Rilke's The Man Watching. Anything Michael Frost or Erwin McManus write. Or the current book I am reading: Getting to Maybe by Westley, Zimmerman and Patton. Incredible. You wanna know about it, send me an email.

Any stage play does it. Sitting there, in any of these environments, and something 'tookish' awakes in me, a "sleepy-eyes awareness that this is more to me than I know". And in a moment I am ready to grab a sword and take on the world...I'm ready to leave my cozy little hide and, as my daughter often says, go on a 'venture!

Its like a dormant gene that awakens. All of us have it. Art, literature, music, situations, and people awaken us to the alluring beauty of that destiny.

C.S. Lewis points something out though:

The book or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was a longing...they are not the think itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have yet to visit.

The Baggins side of me wants nothing of this. It wants safe, snug with an inside door knob that locks the world out and is in my control. Another part of me wants more. To see more. To hear more. To explore more.

To be more. and that is the mark of Jesus in all of us. In the Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan says it like this: You would not have called to me, if I had not been calling you. The theologian von Hugel says it this way: God is always previous. John, the apostle: We love because He first loved us.

And so, my question on this early Thursday morning: What are you ignoring that is stirring from the 'tookish' side? What is outside your door? What journey is before you? That longing that you have been trying to bury. It ain't going away. So...

Put down the walking stick. Strap on the sword. Great adventure awaits.

dreamin.

J