Hey peeps! For those out there who don't live or are in good contact with the Burnaby team...Yes, I am sill alive and I am still going...It's just been a long process of waiting, and being very paticent. God isn't finished with me here in Estevan yet, even though I want to badly go...I want to so badly go that I count every morning how many days left I have till I fly out there. As a matter of fact, only 47 days! Also, it's 47 days until my birthday. (Nice birthday present hey?) As I recall on my birthday last year Scott said to me, "Hey, by this time next year you'll be in Burnaby". I never knew that Scott would be prophetic, in knowing the exact day I would get there. Thanks Scott, I think i'll listen more closely when you speak. :)
Everyone is also wondering why the heck I don't write on here more often, well when you work a 12 hour days for 6 days of the week, I'm just not in the mood to write. But thank you for your paticence. Greatly appricated.
Where I am at. Crazy actually, God is slowly revealing to me why I am to be here for the 3 extra months. You know what's more crazy, I think that all this is teaching me how to be more relational with God, and with people. I actually believe I'm more prepared to live in the "BIG" city then I was a month and a half ago...It's been really good and really hard because I am impaticent, and I want to do the dream now! I want to live like I don't have a tomorrow. When trusting God, he sometimes doesn't lead you in that direction. Funny how God works.
One thing God asked me to do is prove how much I love Estevan to him, by praying for it. Nothing big, nothing fancy, no program, just trusting God and letting him lead and the direction he wants to lead me in. So, my friend Dani and I have called it Aroma , and it's on Sunday nights at 6:30. Anyone is invited to go and love Estevan by praying for it. It's been amazing! I truly believe that God is breaking not just our walled hearts, but Estevan's. We've been on different locations and just praying what God puts on our hearts. Example: Skate park, Schools, churches, the beef bar, the courthouse, and many more. Let me just say, GOD IS AMAZING!!! I would love to do this more often...In Burnaby.
I just know that God has been putting me in places and with people in Estevan for a reason. Just the other day I had coffee with a friend an wow, God just opened the door for me, and I had the choice bold and to be just honest of where I am and who I am in Christ, to just be real. And I know that God is so in our conversation, and I know that my choice will affect her life. Just because it was amazing...thank you JESUS!
There is so much more that I could just write on but...it's alot!
Just wanted you to know that I am alive, and that God is doing just amazing things in my environment. Love you all!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Hey everyone,
So there is this really cool girl staying at the Burnaby house for a bit. God somehow has intersected our lives right now, where she is taking time out to be and heal.
She gave me permission to post this poem that she wrote one afternoon out on the front steps about where she is at in her journey of life right now.
Read it and weep. Keep in mind, if she was reading this to you... there would be a really great back beat.
alive somewhere in the great divide,
not separated by space or time but melting in your kindness,
designed, creatively planned and organized,
continually surprised by the opening of earth and sky,
heart and mind
communication with the divine,
God speech breaths to mine.
What are these words, heard
when once cold and unfeeling,
I'm being swerved by the sound of silence,
broken by the loudness of your whisper
gently holding me,
free...I wonder and I quiver,
thawing slowly like the slow melt of winter,
fearfully warmed by the sun, letting the water run
down the face of my hard exterior,
superior is your wisdom to mine,
and i find now I breakdown,
I will not be crushed, but held.
So there is this really cool girl staying at the Burnaby house for a bit. God somehow has intersected our lives right now, where she is taking time out to be and heal.
She gave me permission to post this poem that she wrote one afternoon out on the front steps about where she is at in her journey of life right now.
Read it and weep. Keep in mind, if she was reading this to you... there would be a really great back beat.
alive somewhere in the great divide,
not separated by space or time but melting in your kindness,
designed, creatively planned and organized,
continually surprised by the opening of earth and sky,
heart and mind
communication with the divine,
God speech breaths to mine.
What are these words, heard
when once cold and unfeeling,
I'm being swerved by the sound of silence,
broken by the loudness of your whisper
gently holding me,
free...I wonder and I quiver,
thawing slowly like the slow melt of winter,
fearfully warmed by the sun, letting the water run
down the face of my hard exterior,
superior is your wisdom to mine,
and i find now I breakdown,
I will not be crushed, but held.
tHe sHApe oF Me aND oThER sTuFf
for those of you who dont know, "the shape of me and other stuff" is a title of a dr seuss book i read as a kid. what does it have to do with my blog? absolutely nothing. :)
so word on the street is you cats at home in estevan wanna hear "real life" stuff. so that's what i'm gonna do.. basically tell you all that's going on in our personal little journey with our little family here in burnaby... get a cup of something warm and get comfy..this is going to be FAR from short. ;)
what do our days look like here? well..i suppose first would be getting out of bed - and on tues/wed/fri am's at 815 caleb goes to before school cross country practise.
he got #19 in about 120 kids his age on his first meet. i was fairly teary eyed.
then the kids get taken to school for 9 and from there it can go many different ways...some days that's when i go for groceries - the least busy time to do that at costco or superstore..or i will go to the community school office at the kids school and look in my "president" drawer for anything i should know/tell/see etc.. the beauty is i co-president with a lady, angela, who has been onthe parent's association for a few years, so i let her take the reigns for most of it.. :) i do more of the hands on stuff, cuz i have more time (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!) then she does...and you thought I WAS BUSY!! :)
i love my "job" tho - photography - cuz i can make up my schedule to my liking - i dont do the 9-5 thing and get bored and be "at work" all day. thats a beautiful thing about my job. i love my job. i love that i get to be with people, most of which dont think they are photogenic..so i get to show them otherwise! yesterday jonathan and my friend tanya helped me doing a food shoot down on granville island at a restaurant. jonathan was my "food stylist" and tanya my "reflector girl". it was so much fun.. and that shoot will for the most part pay for next months' rent - thank you jesus! the crazy thing about my job too, is that i dont have a "set" salary/income.. so talk about trusting the lord to make good contacts to then book appointments. but god always comes thru JUST when we need the work/money. isn't that always His way tho?? :)
keeping the common areas of the house is a full time job in itself, so i do that sportatically during the day when i can..with all the traffic, it seems sweeping and washing the floors is a very regular occurance.. and keeping on my kids to pick up their stuff cuz the space isn't "ours" to clutter can be tiring too! i would have to say this is the hardest part of my life...where it causes me the most "grief and stress".. anyhow, moving right along! :)
jonathan's on a 2 week break from school so that has been awesome to have him home to be here..i'll let him blog about school.. :)
we're planning a dinner party for friday..for our neighbors and some co-workers and friends. we've got 17 coming plus our 7 i think..plus 8 little people. :) it's going to be wonderful - jonathan's got his chef pose from school are putting together a 5 course meal! CAN NOT WAIT! and maurice and his buddies are going to be doing some live music..it's going to be AWESOME! :) :)
but i will tell you one little thing that pertains to jonathan, sort of.. someone back home gave us $1000 for a coffee machine for the house, for when we do these dinners/parties. long story short - we got the coffee machine, regular $2500, for a crazy price of $1200, all thru jonathan telling the sales lady about the "use" of the machine, which led into what we are doing here at mission burnaby. she's coming tonight for supper actually, and will give us a tutorial of how to use this big coffee monster! god is so cool, hey!? :)
the kids often play with both sides of neighbors - olivia and jack on one side, and graeme, keaton and charlie on the other.. cant say it enough, but we are soo blessed to have both families next door..so great how god gives your kids instant friends!
calebs best buddies stanley and harry (korean brothers who are here on a student exchange) just live in the adjacent apartment building from brian and meryl, which is just down the street from us. i woudl have to say they come over to play 5 days of the 7 and always sleep over on the weekend. :) their mom MJ is coming too on friday for the dinner. :) they're such a sweet family.
other "normal stuff".. hmmm...got the car serviced last week..need to get the childrens's teeth serviced soon, but that will have to wait until i get some fabulous shoot to pay for it! hee hee.. looks like it's almost tim eto do the fall yard work...leaves are starting to turn, trees need to be pruned. speaking of which, our garden! we got some good produce from it..and some not so good from it. we knwo what we'll plant next year and not plant. currently we are getting some sweet cucumbers!! :) :) downstairs got a new dryer, as the other one broke.. after coffee machine tutorial tonight, the instrucional CD will be played for all who intend to use it.. not even kidding.. :) hee hee
the dog - pacey - has been escaping the yard..near missing getting hit and barking at people on the sidewalk...DUMB DOG! he's squeezing his measly little body UNDER the steel gate. so hopefully j will get to fixing that this week.
i think that is all i can think of now..i'm looking after hayley this aft - taking her to her gymnastics (jesus help me!!)... then coming home to do a bunch of emailing to clients and business people..more laundry..perhaps some tea time in there...a scrabble game too i hope!
thanks for letting me just talk.. :)
talk soon,
hugs,
trace
so word on the street is you cats at home in estevan wanna hear "real life" stuff. so that's what i'm gonna do.. basically tell you all that's going on in our personal little journey with our little family here in burnaby... get a cup of something warm and get comfy..this is going to be FAR from short. ;)
what do our days look like here? well..i suppose first would be getting out of bed - and on tues/wed/fri am's at 815 caleb goes to before school cross country practise.
he got #19 in about 120 kids his age on his first meet. i was fairly teary eyed.
then the kids get taken to school for 9 and from there it can go many different ways...some days that's when i go for groceries - the least busy time to do that at costco or superstore..or i will go to the community school office at the kids school and look in my "president" drawer for anything i should know/tell/see etc.. the beauty is i co-president with a lady, angela, who has been onthe parent's association for a few years, so i let her take the reigns for most of it.. :) i do more of the hands on stuff, cuz i have more time (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!) then she does...and you thought I WAS BUSY!! :)
i love my "job" tho - photography - cuz i can make up my schedule to my liking - i dont do the 9-5 thing and get bored and be "at work" all day. thats a beautiful thing about my job. i love my job. i love that i get to be with people, most of which dont think they are photogenic..so i get to show them otherwise! yesterday jonathan and my friend tanya helped me doing a food shoot down on granville island at a restaurant. jonathan was my "food stylist" and tanya my "reflector girl". it was so much fun.. and that shoot will for the most part pay for next months' rent - thank you jesus! the crazy thing about my job too, is that i dont have a "set" salary/income.. so talk about trusting the lord to make good contacts to then book appointments. but god always comes thru JUST when we need the work/money. isn't that always His way tho?? :)
keeping the common areas of the house is a full time job in itself, so i do that sportatically during the day when i can..with all the traffic, it seems sweeping and washing the floors is a very regular occurance.. and keeping on my kids to pick up their stuff cuz the space isn't "ours" to clutter can be tiring too! i would have to say this is the hardest part of my life...where it causes me the most "grief and stress".. anyhow, moving right along! :)
jonathan's on a 2 week break from school so that has been awesome to have him home to be here..i'll let him blog about school.. :)
we're planning a dinner party for friday..for our neighbors and some co-workers and friends. we've got 17 coming plus our 7 i think..plus 8 little people. :) it's going to be wonderful - jonathan's got his chef pose from school are putting together a 5 course meal! CAN NOT WAIT! and maurice and his buddies are going to be doing some live music..it's going to be AWESOME! :) :)
but i will tell you one little thing that pertains to jonathan, sort of.. someone back home gave us $1000 for a coffee machine for the house, for when we do these dinners/parties. long story short - we got the coffee machine, regular $2500, for a crazy price of $1200, all thru jonathan telling the sales lady about the "use" of the machine, which led into what we are doing here at mission burnaby. she's coming tonight for supper actually, and will give us a tutorial of how to use this big coffee monster! god is so cool, hey!? :)
the kids often play with both sides of neighbors - olivia and jack on one side, and graeme, keaton and charlie on the other.. cant say it enough, but we are soo blessed to have both families next door..so great how god gives your kids instant friends!
calebs best buddies stanley and harry (korean brothers who are here on a student exchange) just live in the adjacent apartment building from brian and meryl, which is just down the street from us. i woudl have to say they come over to play 5 days of the 7 and always sleep over on the weekend. :) their mom MJ is coming too on friday for the dinner. :) they're such a sweet family.
other "normal stuff".. hmmm...got the car serviced last week..need to get the childrens's teeth serviced soon, but that will have to wait until i get some fabulous shoot to pay for it! hee hee.. looks like it's almost tim eto do the fall yard work...leaves are starting to turn, trees need to be pruned. speaking of which, our garden! we got some good produce from it..and some not so good from it. we knwo what we'll plant next year and not plant. currently we are getting some sweet cucumbers!! :) :) downstairs got a new dryer, as the other one broke.. after coffee machine tutorial tonight, the instrucional CD will be played for all who intend to use it.. not even kidding.. :) hee hee
the dog - pacey - has been escaping the yard..near missing getting hit and barking at people on the sidewalk...DUMB DOG! he's squeezing his measly little body UNDER the steel gate. so hopefully j will get to fixing that this week.
i think that is all i can think of now..i'm looking after hayley this aft - taking her to her gymnastics (jesus help me!!)... then coming home to do a bunch of emailing to clients and business people..more laundry..perhaps some tea time in there...a scrabble game too i hope!
thanks for letting me just talk.. :)
talk soon,
hugs,
trace
Monday, September 24, 2007
life
well i figured i'd just write a little of what's going on here in Burnaby with me just to keep everyone up to speed.
we're pretty much all unpacked and settled into our apartment... there are times when it's hard to look out the window and see the view that we see, i feel an innumerable amount of emotions when i do, homesickness, fear, excitement, wonder... just to name a few. but all that to say, it's an incredible blessing to be here.
on friday brian and i are going to be part of a weekend seminar called "Life in the Margins" at Jacob's Well which is in the downtown eastside of vancouver, one of the poorest postal codes in Canada. I'm really excited to be part of this - although am sad because we're missing out on an amazing dinner party that will be going down at the Mission Burnaby house... :( such is life i guess.. but i really feel God has something for me at this seminar, whether it be a softening in my heart, a new spark to the fire he's blazing inside of me... anything, i'm going with great expectancy from Him! the seminar is going to be about how we as Christians are called to respond to the poverty and homelessness in our city. What does Jesus say? What does he ask of us? I have something in my heart that cries out for the homeless... for those of you who don't know, my real dad was an alcoholic and addicted to drugs, and he actually overdosed and died here in vancouver... when i see the broken homeless men on the streets i see my dad who i never knew, and I long to be part of a renewal... an awakening.. not just in their lives, but in mine, because there are parts of me that are lost and homeless, so poor and desperate. My heart wants to be part in finding true richness... and it terrifies the crap out of me... but i still long to push toward it...
aside from that... this season of mine and brian's life is hectic, we ask for your prayers. he works insano hours... sometimes he comes home from work at 7:00 in the morning just as I'm heading out the door to catch a bus at 7:20... sometimes if it works out right we can meet at a train station as i'm getting off work and he's going to work to have a slice of pizza... we know it's just for a season, he's not going to be doing this job for much longer... just a month or two, but in it please join us in praying for a unity, as well that God would provide a perfect job for him working with youth and using his addictions counseling certificate...
hmm, i think that's all i'll ramble on about... i miss you all back in saskatchewan...
love you all!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Astrid & Veronika by Linda Olsson
I read a story this weekend about two women… one young, unmarried, isolated by circumstance, and in pain. The other old, widowed, isolated by choice, and in pain. It was an amazing story of how our secret pains can completely cripple and embitter us if we keep them secret and keep them to ourselves. I don’t agree with all of the things the two women in the book believed or come to realize but a few of their observations were quite profound. Here is one…
“I have never talked to anyone about that night. Ever,” she said. “And now when I listen to my own words, I realize that they tell a different story from the one I have carried all these years.” The old woman closed her eyes. “I think that if we can find the words, and if we can find someone to tell them to, then perhaps we can see things differently. But I had no words, and I had nobody.”
Astrid came to this conclusion the night she finally told her new and only friend Veronika about the day her infant child died. I think Astrid is right. How often we try to walk alone in our pain and even in our sin, scared of what people will say or do if they find out how imperfect and human we are. I think God weeps when he sees us isolate ourselves and each other. I don’t know why for sure I think that but I do. I don’t know where is says in the bible that God’s desire is not that we walk alone, easy prey for the enemy whose desire is to destroy us. Maybe it doesn’t at all.
But the message of the gospel is peace and love, hope and life and I don’t think any of those things are meant to happen in a box, in isolation. Nor can they really. Somehow when we find the courage to share the thoughts that bounce around in our heads, the memories that haunt our dreams, awake and asleep, the scars of the hurts of life, or the negative things we believe about ourselves, the act of saying them out loud to another person filters them and helps us sift the truth from the lies. Often, though the reality of what we have done or what has been done to us cannot be changed, what we believe about ourselves as a result of it needs to be changed for us to survive.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He wants us to know the truth and He wants the truth to set us free. And sometimes, perhaps all the time, we cannot see that truth without the help of those around us who love us.
“I have never talked to anyone about that night. Ever,” she said. “And now when I listen to my own words, I realize that they tell a different story from the one I have carried all these years.” The old woman closed her eyes. “I think that if we can find the words, and if we can find someone to tell them to, then perhaps we can see things differently. But I had no words, and I had nobody.”
Astrid came to this conclusion the night she finally told her new and only friend Veronika about the day her infant child died. I think Astrid is right. How often we try to walk alone in our pain and even in our sin, scared of what people will say or do if they find out how imperfect and human we are. I think God weeps when he sees us isolate ourselves and each other. I don’t know why for sure I think that but I do. I don’t know where is says in the bible that God’s desire is not that we walk alone, easy prey for the enemy whose desire is to destroy us. Maybe it doesn’t at all.
But the message of the gospel is peace and love, hope and life and I don’t think any of those things are meant to happen in a box, in isolation. Nor can they really. Somehow when we find the courage to share the thoughts that bounce around in our heads, the memories that haunt our dreams, awake and asleep, the scars of the hurts of life, or the negative things we believe about ourselves, the act of saying them out loud to another person filters them and helps us sift the truth from the lies. Often, though the reality of what we have done or what has been done to us cannot be changed, what we believe about ourselves as a result of it needs to be changed for us to survive.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He wants us to know the truth and He wants the truth to set us free. And sometimes, perhaps all the time, we cannot see that truth without the help of those around us who love us.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
He offers....
In December a couple of years ago, ok more like 7 or 8, I was busy Christmas shopping for my family. We often had this deal where we would all go shopping together and show each other stuff that we wanted and then the buyers would have some ideas. Kinda takes out the element of surprise but it's really quite practical and my family is nothing if not practical. So shopping over, we tried to keep things secret but we aren't as good at secret keeping as we are at being practical. I'm not anyway.
Needless to say, I saw the gift that my brother bought me. It was wrapped so I couldn't see its specifics but I knew what it was. Time travel with me for a second, remember the era of those trippy, shiny-like pictures of lions and tigers you could get. The ones where when you looked at them from different angles, the colors changed. They almost looked metallic and they were usually in gold hues. They were quite gaudy and rather ugly (my apologies if you liked them or still have them hanging up!)
Anyway, I saw the wrapped present my brother bought. About 11" x 14", flat, kinda looked like it could be a frame of some sort. And I saw the gaudy picture store in the mall. And I put two and two together and knew what his present was and was even more sure I didn't like it.
What was he thinking? Didn't he know me at all? He'd been my brother for almost 20 years, was I that hard to buy for? Really? Man I hated this gift exchange thing. Boys don't know how to buy presents!
Wow, the Christmas spirit was oozing out of me! NOT!
I told my sister what I thought about his gift. She, being the level headed one (well, in this story anyway) said, "He won't have bought one of those pictures. Don't worry, you'll like what he bought."
"No I won't! I hate those stupid pictures. What a waste of 10 bucks!"
Days went by and Christmas came. We all ended up at my parent's house and the time for the unveiling of gifts came. I don't remember for sure but I'm guessing my attitude was less than stellar that Christmas eve. As I psyched myself up to act delighted when I tore off the wrapping I was met with surprise.
When the paper came off, I found out my sister was right. The picture wasn't a gaudy, color-changing tiger, it was a really cool, matted, sepia picture of daisies (my favorite flowers) that would match perfectly with the living room decor in my house.
My brother did know me. Better than I knew him obviously.
You might ask, "Where did that memory come from? It's not even close to Christmas shopping time yet!" Interestingly enough, what triggered it had nothing to do with Christmas.
I was reading Acts 3, the story of Peter and John healing the lame man at the gate called Beautiful.
“The man looked at them expectantly, hoping that they would give him something. “If you are expecting silver or gold,” Peter said to him, “I have neither, but what I have I will certainly give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!”” (Phillips translation)
God was speaking to me about expectation. How often do I not take what God is offering because all I can see is what He’s not offering. He’s not offering me a trip around the world, or a new car, or a boyfriend, or a high paying job. I know that much because if He was I’d sure jump on that offer!
But the beggar, who was looking for silver or gold had the good fortune of hearing the choice, plain as day. Nothing or healing, I don’t have money but I can offer you new legs. When he heard the choice, he took the healing.
Of course he did! What idiot would pass up being able to walk again!
What if he hadn’t been willing to listen when Peter and John said, “Look straight at us.” Would he still have been healed? He’d still be sitting at the gate.
Do I listen for what God wants to offer me? Or do I have my selective hearing aid on? If exactly what I want at this exact moment is not being offered, I hear nothing. I tune out in fact. What if God wants to offer me healing and all I want is a new job so I’m not even willing to listen to His offer.
Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. What am I leaving “unopened” because the wrapping isn’t what I’m looking for?
Just like my conclusion in the memory about my brother’s gift…
God does know me. Better than I know him obviously.
Needless to say, I saw the gift that my brother bought me. It was wrapped so I couldn't see its specifics but I knew what it was. Time travel with me for a second, remember the era of those trippy, shiny-like pictures of lions and tigers you could get. The ones where when you looked at them from different angles, the colors changed. They almost looked metallic and they were usually in gold hues. They were quite gaudy and rather ugly (my apologies if you liked them or still have them hanging up!)
Anyway, I saw the wrapped present my brother bought. About 11" x 14", flat, kinda looked like it could be a frame of some sort. And I saw the gaudy picture store in the mall. And I put two and two together and knew what his present was and was even more sure I didn't like it.
What was he thinking? Didn't he know me at all? He'd been my brother for almost 20 years, was I that hard to buy for? Really? Man I hated this gift exchange thing. Boys don't know how to buy presents!
Wow, the Christmas spirit was oozing out of me! NOT!
I told my sister what I thought about his gift. She, being the level headed one (well, in this story anyway) said, "He won't have bought one of those pictures. Don't worry, you'll like what he bought."
"No I won't! I hate those stupid pictures. What a waste of 10 bucks!"
Days went by and Christmas came. We all ended up at my parent's house and the time for the unveiling of gifts came. I don't remember for sure but I'm guessing my attitude was less than stellar that Christmas eve. As I psyched myself up to act delighted when I tore off the wrapping I was met with surprise.
When the paper came off, I found out my sister was right. The picture wasn't a gaudy, color-changing tiger, it was a really cool, matted, sepia picture of daisies (my favorite flowers) that would match perfectly with the living room decor in my house.
My brother did know me. Better than I knew him obviously.
You might ask, "Where did that memory come from? It's not even close to Christmas shopping time yet!" Interestingly enough, what triggered it had nothing to do with Christmas.
I was reading Acts 3, the story of Peter and John healing the lame man at the gate called Beautiful.
“The man looked at them expectantly, hoping that they would give him something. “If you are expecting silver or gold,” Peter said to him, “I have neither, but what I have I will certainly give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!”” (Phillips translation)
God was speaking to me about expectation. How often do I not take what God is offering because all I can see is what He’s not offering. He’s not offering me a trip around the world, or a new car, or a boyfriend, or a high paying job. I know that much because if He was I’d sure jump on that offer!
But the beggar, who was looking for silver or gold had the good fortune of hearing the choice, plain as day. Nothing or healing, I don’t have money but I can offer you new legs. When he heard the choice, he took the healing.
Of course he did! What idiot would pass up being able to walk again!
What if he hadn’t been willing to listen when Peter and John said, “Look straight at us.” Would he still have been healed? He’d still be sitting at the gate.
Do I listen for what God wants to offer me? Or do I have my selective hearing aid on? If exactly what I want at this exact moment is not being offered, I hear nothing. I tune out in fact. What if God wants to offer me healing and all I want is a new job so I’m not even willing to listen to His offer.
Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. What am I leaving “unopened” because the wrapping isn’t what I’m looking for?
Just like my conclusion in the memory about my brother’s gift…
God does know me. Better than I know him obviously.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Peace
Reflecting on this the last couple of days…as we wrestle through hard days…
It seems to me that peace has come to mean the time when there aren’t any battles…or at least no major wars. Beggars can’t be choosers and I think that most of us would settle for that.
But in the Hebrew language, peace is the word shalom. It means: fullness or wholeness. Having everything you need to wholly fully and joyfully yourself. How many of us truly know what it means to be us…ourselves. We live in the shadow of fear of rejection, judgement, abandonment, failure…and we end up hiding in the caves of our past…longing for peace but afraid to hope for it.
Coming fully alive…so we are truly able to be us. At peace with the place we are at in the journey with Christ…at peace with who we are…and who we aren’t. Sounds kinda beautiful.
Friday, September 07, 2007
love
Could love be the language of our generation’s apologetics?
Let me give you a peak at what I’m discovering…as I learn to live by faith (and not fear – that is another conversation)
How many of us have lived under the pressure of becoming a great debater in order to share this message of hope and peace, called the good news.
You know what I mean, someone who can argue someone towards Jesus.
What happens if I allow someone the space to honestly seek God as I choose to journey with them? I am discovering that Jesus is really interested in revealing Himself. If fact, Jesus said...seek and you WILL find. If we are really seeking...we all discover that what (or who) we all seek…His name is Jesus.
It’s a supernatural, mystical and powerful experience where Jesus becomes real personally. Getting hit over the head with enough facts does not get anyone to that point. There are some who move in that intellectual world, but I think that there is an entire generation longing for an encounter with Him…and we can’t explain anyone into that, it just happens, and life as we know it is over.
Could it be that God is calling us to ‘prove’ who Jesus is by allowing Jesus to be Jesus in people’s lives as we are great representatives of Him.
How do we truly represent the reality of Jesus?
What does this look like? Could it mean being real. Giving. And faith. Or how about this…we know how to be a friend.
We live in a world where there is desperation and longing, and a hunger to connect deeply with other human beings. And the only path to true relationship is Jesus. He is the only one who can give us the grace and ability to truly love someone other than ourselves.
What if the church became the best friends the world ever had…hmmm, sounds like Jesus who is called ‘friend of sinners’...
Dreaming.
Let me give you a peak at what I’m discovering…as I learn to live by faith (and not fear – that is another conversation)
How many of us have lived under the pressure of becoming a great debater in order to share this message of hope and peace, called the good news.
You know what I mean, someone who can argue someone towards Jesus.
What happens if I allow someone the space to honestly seek God as I choose to journey with them? I am discovering that Jesus is really interested in revealing Himself. If fact, Jesus said...seek and you WILL find. If we are really seeking...we all discover that what (or who) we all seek…His name is Jesus.
It’s a supernatural, mystical and powerful experience where Jesus becomes real personally. Getting hit over the head with enough facts does not get anyone to that point. There are some who move in that intellectual world, but I think that there is an entire generation longing for an encounter with Him…and we can’t explain anyone into that, it just happens, and life as we know it is over.
Could it be that God is calling us to ‘prove’ who Jesus is by allowing Jesus to be Jesus in people’s lives as we are great representatives of Him.
How do we truly represent the reality of Jesus?
What does this look like? Could it mean being real. Giving. And faith. Or how about this…we know how to be a friend.
We live in a world where there is desperation and longing, and a hunger to connect deeply with other human beings. And the only path to true relationship is Jesus. He is the only one who can give us the grace and ability to truly love someone other than ourselves.
What if the church became the best friends the world ever had…hmmm, sounds like Jesus who is called ‘friend of sinners’...
Dreaming.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Quick Life/Heart Update
Just last Friday Brian and I moved out of the house and into an apartment just down the street... the apartment complex is great, decked out with a pool, hot tub, sauna, gym... all that fun stuff. We're situated on the 15th floor with probably the most amazing view ever... we get to wake up and go to sleep to downtown burnaby on our left, downtown van in the middle and the beautiful mountains on the right... it's really incredible.
God's shown me that He's given us this apartment for to pray over the city... I'm excited to do that as a team in the near future.
As we did some unpacking this past week I've struggled with feeling homesick. I think its simply that the last time we had all this stuff out was in Estevan... I unpacked boxes I remember packing with Tiffany... unpack gifts that people sent with us, wedding presents, the church family blessed us with, it's just been emotional for me.
Also now that school has started up all over the city getting use to the buses and skytrain has to happen for me all over again... before sure it was a little packed, but sometimes i still got to sit down, didn't normally have to wait in line... and rarely ever couldn't fit on a bus or train... now every single day there's never a place to sit... but always people squished up against me to hold me up... haha, the lines are enormous, and i usually can't fit on the first bus/train that comes, and to top it off, i got off work at 4:30 and got home from work after 6:30 (when normally it takes me 1/2 hour to get there...) all that to say, I was missing 1st of all, having a car, and 2nd of all traffic jams of 4-6 cars.... heck i was even missing waiting at a train for 20 minutes. It just all sort of happened at once and my heart struggled with all that's so foreign and uncomfortable for me... but I'm so happy God knows me and he knows what I need and what I can handle... and He's stretching my heart.
Other than that work is going good... I really like the place I'm at - a cafe in the Vancouver General Hospital - it's always busy, my co-workers are fun and the days go by super fast... and I got to serve Eric McCormack the other day! For those of you who don't know who it is, he's Will from Will and Grace... for those of you who don't know what that is... it's ok... he's kinda famous, and it was really exciting... hehe...moving along....
I hope this doesn't get too long, but I also wanted to share kind of a continuation of my last blog, and a continuation of what God is doing in my heart...
This evening I read 1 John 1:5-7, it says: "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you; God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
...if we walk in the light we can have fellowship with others... what does this mean? That our sin and impurity doesn't just affect me??? or even just my relationship between myself and others... it inhibits my relationship..."fellowship" (ie: The condition of sharing similar interests, ideals, or experiences, as by reason of profession, religion, or nationality) with others... others that i'm committed to on this 'church plant', others i'm committed to in my family, in my workplace, in my life... believers and non-believers.. it simply puts a wall up between myself and any relationship.
I see how that's so real in my life. My darkness... the darkness that I allow in my life, my sin, my fear, my selfishness, it prevents me, it holds me back. It blinds me from communicating with Jesus honestly and wholly. I tend to hide or avoid real time with him, because I know He wants to call me out of the darkness that I've gotten so comfortable with... my eyes have adjusted to the dim, dark light, but I know and He knows it's still bad for them... it's blinding me.
It keeps me from pure and real relationship with people because I let my "god" which is my fear and pain (ugh) determine when I speak... or if I speak, when I give... or if I give. Everything becomes filtered through this grime... my heart and being becomes more and more clogged and closed...
It even keeps me from knowing myself... I let the darkness in my life define me, instead of the One who Created me...I let my darkness speak louder than my Jesus.
Where there is light, darkness cannot be. Lord let your light shine brighter... ugh! I say that as if there's something wrong with the light... Oh forgive me Lord, help me Lord to open the doors so that your light can shine more freely, no longer just under cracks of the doors but bust the doors down in my heart and mind so that the truth and the light can shine without apology into those dark places that I've let become "part of who I am"... let your light shine over those dark lies and may I be all that YOU'VE created me to be.
I pray that for all of us... here in Burnaby... out in Estevan and everywhere else. That we'd recognize where we've become accustomed to the darkness, but that our eyes would be opened up to where it's beginning to blind us in our relationships.
In the same area of scripture it also says:
"Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."
"The man who says, 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar and the truth (light) is not in him."
and finally ending with my hope:
"The darkness is passing, and the true light is already shinning."
Thank you Jesus :)
This is way longer than planned... sorry! Thanks for reading.
God's shown me that He's given us this apartment for to pray over the city... I'm excited to do that as a team in the near future.
As we did some unpacking this past week I've struggled with feeling homesick. I think its simply that the last time we had all this stuff out was in Estevan... I unpacked boxes I remember packing with Tiffany... unpack gifts that people sent with us, wedding presents, the church family blessed us with, it's just been emotional for me.
Also now that school has started up all over the city getting use to the buses and skytrain has to happen for me all over again... before sure it was a little packed, but sometimes i still got to sit down, didn't normally have to wait in line... and rarely ever couldn't fit on a bus or train... now every single day there's never a place to sit... but always people squished up against me to hold me up... haha, the lines are enormous, and i usually can't fit on the first bus/train that comes, and to top it off, i got off work at 4:30 and got home from work after 6:30 (when normally it takes me 1/2 hour to get there...) all that to say, I was missing 1st of all, having a car, and 2nd of all traffic jams of 4-6 cars.... heck i was even missing waiting at a train for 20 minutes. It just all sort of happened at once and my heart struggled with all that's so foreign and uncomfortable for me... but I'm so happy God knows me and he knows what I need and what I can handle... and He's stretching my heart.
Other than that work is going good... I really like the place I'm at - a cafe in the Vancouver General Hospital - it's always busy, my co-workers are fun and the days go by super fast... and I got to serve Eric McCormack the other day! For those of you who don't know who it is, he's Will from Will and Grace... for those of you who don't know what that is... it's ok... he's kinda famous, and it was really exciting... hehe...moving along....
I hope this doesn't get too long, but I also wanted to share kind of a continuation of my last blog, and a continuation of what God is doing in my heart...
This evening I read 1 John 1:5-7, it says: "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you; God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
...if we walk in the light we can have fellowship with others... what does this mean? That our sin and impurity doesn't just affect me??? or even just my relationship between myself and others... it inhibits my relationship..."fellowship" (ie: The condition of sharing similar interests, ideals, or experiences, as by reason of profession, religion, or nationality) with others... others that i'm committed to on this 'church plant', others i'm committed to in my family, in my workplace, in my life... believers and non-believers.. it simply puts a wall up between myself and any relationship.
I see how that's so real in my life. My darkness... the darkness that I allow in my life, my sin, my fear, my selfishness, it prevents me, it holds me back. It blinds me from communicating with Jesus honestly and wholly. I tend to hide or avoid real time with him, because I know He wants to call me out of the darkness that I've gotten so comfortable with... my eyes have adjusted to the dim, dark light, but I know and He knows it's still bad for them... it's blinding me.
It keeps me from pure and real relationship with people because I let my "god" which is my fear and pain (ugh) determine when I speak... or if I speak, when I give... or if I give. Everything becomes filtered through this grime... my heart and being becomes more and more clogged and closed...
It even keeps me from knowing myself... I let the darkness in my life define me, instead of the One who Created me...I let my darkness speak louder than my Jesus.
Where there is light, darkness cannot be. Lord let your light shine brighter... ugh! I say that as if there's something wrong with the light... Oh forgive me Lord, help me Lord to open the doors so that your light can shine more freely, no longer just under cracks of the doors but bust the doors down in my heart and mind so that the truth and the light can shine without apology into those dark places that I've let become "part of who I am"... let your light shine over those dark lies and may I be all that YOU'VE created me to be.
I pray that for all of us... here in Burnaby... out in Estevan and everywhere else. That we'd recognize where we've become accustomed to the darkness, but that our eyes would be opened up to where it's beginning to blind us in our relationships.
In the same area of scripture it also says:
"Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."
"The man who says, 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar and the truth (light) is not in him."
and finally ending with my hope:
"The darkness is passing, and the true light is already shinning."
Thank you Jesus :)
This is way longer than planned... sorry! Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Home.
I moved to Burnaby September 1st, 2007.
Why add the year, you ask? It makes it seem more official. Like when the BC licensing agent handed me my temporary BC drivers license and said... "Welcome to BC!". Yup. I'm home.
Interesting. It was harder leaving than it is coming.
Leaving Estevan, it was saying good bye to amazing people, my friends, and not only that... But the season of life that it was. Still weird using the term 'was' when referring to Estevan. :) Anyway, it was acknowledging that all the stuff that God was doing in this place, walking with my amazing church, and all the jobs that were ahead of me are now officially finished. That is hard for me. I miss everyone so much already.
Coming is a different story. So far. :) I'm having fun re-connecting with everyone, learning how to read a map, instead what I'm used to in Estevan.. "Go to the green building that used to be the Saan store between the theatre and the bank corner..." Nope. This kind of direction doesn't work anymore. I actually have to know street names here.
I'm living in the Burnaby house, in the downstairs apartment area where Darlene and Scott are, sharing a room with Nicole. There is a kitchen downstairs, but I eat upstairs... This is a no-brainer. Jonathan is in chef school. He cooks upstairs. :) Need I say more?
As most of the team when they 1st came, PLEASE PRAY FOR THE JOB I WILL GET. Thank you!
I'm just sitting with Anna Rose Heppner, she asked me to let everyone know, "I miss my house, I'm crying right now. I miss everyone. I hope they have fun. I like it here because of my school. It's so happy to be here, but I miss Estevan and all my friends really much. I love you guys. The end."
Caleb says, "I miss everyone and my house."
Thanks everyone for all your support in moving here! Lani
Why add the year, you ask? It makes it seem more official. Like when the BC licensing agent handed me my temporary BC drivers license and said... "Welcome to BC!". Yup. I'm home.
Interesting. It was harder leaving than it is coming.
Leaving Estevan, it was saying good bye to amazing people, my friends, and not only that... But the season of life that it was. Still weird using the term 'was' when referring to Estevan. :) Anyway, it was acknowledging that all the stuff that God was doing in this place, walking with my amazing church, and all the jobs that were ahead of me are now officially finished. That is hard for me. I miss everyone so much already.
Coming is a different story. So far. :) I'm having fun re-connecting with everyone, learning how to read a map, instead what I'm used to in Estevan.. "Go to the green building that used to be the Saan store between the theatre and the bank corner..." Nope. This kind of direction doesn't work anymore. I actually have to know street names here.
I'm living in the Burnaby house, in the downstairs apartment area where Darlene and Scott are, sharing a room with Nicole. There is a kitchen downstairs, but I eat upstairs... This is a no-brainer. Jonathan is in chef school. He cooks upstairs. :) Need I say more?
As most of the team when they 1st came, PLEASE PRAY FOR THE JOB I WILL GET. Thank you!
I'm just sitting with Anna Rose Heppner, she asked me to let everyone know, "I miss my house, I'm crying right now. I miss everyone. I hope they have fun. I like it here because of my school. It's so happy to be here, but I miss Estevan and all my friends really much. I love you guys. The end."
Caleb says, "I miss everyone and my house."
Thanks everyone for all your support in moving here! Lani
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