Hiding Place...

Psalm 22:1-7
"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."


Well we've been here in Burnaby for about 9 days now and it's amazing the amount of emotion that flows through this body. From excitement, to wonderment, to fear, to doubt, to ease, to hopeful, to hopeless. And seriously I can't place my finger on just one at any given time.

Just as I've been sending out resumes, talking with managers a great deal of insecurity has been rising in me... it seems as though it never really goes away, just silences itself once in a while, but after being silenced it began to roar as I entered the city. There's so much to compare yourself to here, yet there's so much encouragement to be yourself, find your own style, say your own words, be an individual.

That's why this piece of scripture grabbed me as i was reading this morning, because i see in myself the truth and the longing that this expresses. "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away". I lose more and more of who I am when I let the sin of my insecurity own me, it causes me to shut my mouth, keep my eyes to the ground, don't make eye contact, don't let them know you're hurting, I curl my shoulders inward, cross my arms and hide behind my sunglasses. I keep myself full giftings, and full pain selfishly to myself, almost protecting both. Protecting what i hope to be real in my giftings and protecting what I know so familiarly as my pain.

But I long for the truth... I long to come to Jesus in my place of silence, as I waste away in my sin and own up to it... to bring the reality of my brokenness to the light and oh the freedom that will bring.

It says I will be covered in songs of deliverance, I will be protected from trouble and have Him be my hiding place. He who knows me fully. No longer will i have to hide myself from the world, no longer will i have to protect my gifts and my pain, what a burden to carry... but in His arms, in the hiding place where He dwells I am known fully.

My frame was not hidden from him when I was made in the secret place, when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, His eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in His book, before even one of them came to be! He knows me from beginning to end, there is nothing i can hide from him, he knows every thought, every tear, every fear, and every joy and yet with Him knowing EVERYTHING I am still safe and fully loved in His arms.

Oh Jesus help me live this, help me share this with a world that is so much like me...