I have a confession to make... I haven't blogged in a while. I know, many of you didn't notice... because you maybe haven't blogged in a while either.
But here's to a pre-new year's resolution, and starting to blog! Actually I should be honest. About a few things.
It's not a new years resolution, but rather, the fact that right now I've had a week off of work, and I'm finished my position working with students at the church. Sigh. What does this have to do with blogging? A little bit, so let me explain.
It's been harder and sadder than I expected, passing on the torch for Student Ministries... And it really didn't hit me until my last week of work. It's something I've given my heart, my time, my passion and my focus to. And I know that this is God's time to be letting go, and Mandy and Q-diddy are exactly who needs to be there. But in letting go I have a lot of emotions going through me..
Jealousy that I won't be there as God brings into the tangible dreams that have been birthed in the spiritual realm. Confused about my importance- I've done so many seminars, read so many books, talked into many staff meetings, discussions, and walked out so much leadership- that suddenly stepping out of that suit leaves me feeling a bit small. I'm really sorry if this has had negative effects in our meetings, where I may talk to much and try hard too be a part.. a little to hard. Sigh.
I've also felt a really big sorting out process happen in me. I first realized it in my conscious brain (I think it had been going on subconsciously for a while) when I began to sort through my files. I wanted to take out all the GC files and leave them for Mandy and Quincy. But I couldn't do it. I just cried. That's when I realized a lot of the stuff I thought was GC's, is actually mine, and I don't have to give it up. So I'm keeping my files. And yes I'll get rid of some and photocopy others for GC, but... I've learned, grown, and what I've filed will still be a part of me even as I go to Burnaby. Cause I don't change. Funny. They're just files right? But it's cool how they are also a tool in the shaking and changing process for my heart. Doesn't make sense? Don't worry, I don't get it either.
And just to let you guys know, this is the first time I've been a part of a ministry like this... where it's a part of my DNA, and I'm a part of it. No this isn't sacreligious- because this ministry is God's dream, and he had me there not just to do a job, but for who I am to become a part of it's DNA, and for me to be changed forever by God's dream here. And so this process of letting go may be different or longer than others think it should be, but I'm big on embracing the process so I'm chosing to feel this out no matter how sad I get.
So what does this have to do with blogging? Just that it's been hard to do when my mind hasn't really been totally ready to embrace Burnaby yet, I've been focusing and trying to let go, so grabbing on to something new has been hard. Is this different from anyone else? Probably not, but I guess I've been thinking I should blog something about Burnaby, and haven't always had a lot- but I'm going to blog more now because I'm realizing that I should blog about what in the world is happening in me during this process, what God's showing me and thoughts in getting there, instead of just trying to 'go'. Thanks for listening.
Lani
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
A little talk about a little something.
Ever since our little meeting with everyone that one, cold, wednesday night, I have been thinking about the dream/s that were mentioned. My thoughts have been non stop, because I have dreams, but am terrified to pursue them. If I take courses in a school, that means going out of my comfort. I am very insecure that I may fail, that I may not make what a normal person would do, because in my history of education I've lived a non normal life, compared to some. If I take courses, that means a huge commitment. Am I ready for a commitment that I might not like after a month of doing the course? That when I finish the course I'm not putting my whole heart into it because it's not what my heart truly wants. Let me put it this way...I know ministry, therefore I know what to expect, I put my heart into it, and I love it. I don't know anything about life long careers, I have no idea what to expect, and I don't know if I'll like it, is it worth it to spend all that money to not enjoy the career chosen...sigh...I think I need to hear from God, cause I'm feeling unsure about taking more education.
So with that said...even though I've spilled my guts about the fears I have, let me share the dreams or I guess the ideas I have that are inside me.
-I was for awhile thinking about pursuing the idea of being a vet’s assistant, because I love animals and when I was little I always wanted to be a vet. But that’s repetition that makes my creative side die, so I have been leaning to no, but it's still an option.
-For 3 years I worked as a deli clerk and I loved it, I was able to specialize in the cheese department, make trays, and was able to work with the meat and understand it. It's also where I learned to work with customers and be able to be pretty much a supervisor. The only reason I quit was because I didn't like the environment I worked in and the boss I worked for. But ever since I left, I have always wanted to open my own deli store where I was able to have specialty meat and cheese, where sandwiches are made. It would look like a subway but healthier and would have more class at a good price. With fresh bread, meat made at the deli and served fresh, a coffee bar, and so much more...Can you imagine it! I bet you are drooling! Or just craving a really good sandwich. Ha Ha. But in order to accomplish this I need to accomplish school. Entrepreneurship to be exact, and probably some sort of food course. I'm scared because...This is big! And I have no Idea where to start. But what’s really cool is that I told my family about my idea and they were so pumped about it that they started to tell me how they would fit into the roll of being part of my deli. They were coming up with names that would fit the style. It was supper cool, my (non christian) Sister said that she totally connects to that and said it would be such a big hit (in Calgary) because she hasn't seen anything like that (what I described to her) before. Sigh...This is big, and God is so much Bigger, I'm just scared to imagine it to be reality.
So with this long letter said, I shall say three more things....Farewell, Merry Christmas and I love you all!
So with that said...even though I've spilled my guts about the fears I have, let me share the dreams or I guess the ideas I have that are inside me.
-I was for awhile thinking about pursuing the idea of being a vet’s assistant, because I love animals and when I was little I always wanted to be a vet. But that’s repetition that makes my creative side die, so I have been leaning to no, but it's still an option.
-For 3 years I worked as a deli clerk and I loved it, I was able to specialize in the cheese department, make trays, and was able to work with the meat and understand it. It's also where I learned to work with customers and be able to be pretty much a supervisor. The only reason I quit was because I didn't like the environment I worked in and the boss I worked for. But ever since I left, I have always wanted to open my own deli store where I was able to have specialty meat and cheese, where sandwiches are made. It would look like a subway but healthier and would have more class at a good price. With fresh bread, meat made at the deli and served fresh, a coffee bar, and so much more...Can you imagine it! I bet you are drooling! Or just craving a really good sandwich. Ha Ha. But in order to accomplish this I need to accomplish school. Entrepreneurship to be exact, and probably some sort of food course. I'm scared because...This is big! And I have no Idea where to start. But what’s really cool is that I told my family about my idea and they were so pumped about it that they started to tell me how they would fit into the roll of being part of my deli. They were coming up with names that would fit the style. It was supper cool, my (non christian) Sister said that she totally connects to that and said it would be such a big hit (in Calgary) because she hasn't seen anything like that (what I described to her) before. Sigh...This is big, and God is so much Bigger, I'm just scared to imagine it to be reality.
So with this long letter said, I shall say three more things....Farewell, Merry Christmas and I love you all!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
5 PM Vision Nov 1st
God gave me a vision...
In the mist of the deadwood, I saw one standing tall, firm, and great...It is vegitation. The vegitation is a tree about 6 feet tall. It stands deep, it stands in bright colour of dark green. It's on a mission, it has a vision. The sun is it's strength, water is it's refuge, and soil is it's investment. The tree is growing in a rate that I can physically see. Because of that it will grow into bud, and others will come, the tree is overcoming the deadwood. The place where it was seeded, the place where it grows. God is rising up!
In the mist of the deadwood, I saw one standing tall, firm, and great...It is vegitation. The vegitation is a tree about 6 feet tall. It stands deep, it stands in bright colour of dark green. It's on a mission, it has a vision. The sun is it's strength, water is it's refuge, and soil is it's investment. The tree is growing in a rate that I can physically see. Because of that it will grow into bud, and others will come, the tree is overcoming the deadwood. The place where it was seeded, the place where it grows. God is rising up!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Fasting and Prayer 09/06
As we were praying, here are a few of the things I felt in my heart for Burnaby:
His glory will be shown.
We won't always know what to do.. But we will follow Him. His definition of success isn't alway ours, so whether or not our version of 'success' happens, his glory will be shown in who we are, how we react, and by who we are, others will know it's Him.
Changing. Fire of a generation.
If we want to see change, we will feel/know the fire.
There will be a testing of our hearts. Will we pay the price for what He wants to do? Do we really want to be a part of this? What are our motives?
Asking. Boldly.
We will see.
We will let our cry ring with His. Let our hearts break with the things that break His heart.
We will attempt great things because we've asked Him for great things.
Confidence... In who He is and who we are.
SO WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE?
Again, as I was praying, here is some of what I felt in my heart.
I believe that we will be inspiring young men and women to run boldly.
We won't be intimidated by what others have done as they have walked before us, instead we will continue on with their heart, thier passion, but it will look completely different then what they have done, and we will be ok with that even when sometimes others find it hard to see past the style.
We will be changed.
Sending out. New places release new faces.
Music will be huge. It will play a big role in who we are and what we do.
On the streets we will take prophetic faith steps.
We will learn together.
There will be healing of the broken and the hopeless.
As we talked and prayed, I was able to grapple a bit more with what it means to be a part of this team. Honestly, I do stuggle with what my part will be. My place. I know that we all do. As I prayed I know I began to see more of God's heart. Hear his voice for what we will be doing, where I haven't before.
And I'd love to hear your thoughts.. What were your experiences in fasting and prayer?
His glory will be shown.
We won't always know what to do.. But we will follow Him. His definition of success isn't alway ours, so whether or not our version of 'success' happens, his glory will be shown in who we are, how we react, and by who we are, others will know it's Him.
Changing. Fire of a generation.
If we want to see change, we will feel/know the fire.
There will be a testing of our hearts. Will we pay the price for what He wants to do? Do we really want to be a part of this? What are our motives?
Asking. Boldly.
We will see.
We will let our cry ring with His. Let our hearts break with the things that break His heart.
We will attempt great things because we've asked Him for great things.
Confidence... In who He is and who we are.
SO WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE?
Again, as I was praying, here is some of what I felt in my heart.
I believe that we will be inspiring young men and women to run boldly.
We won't be intimidated by what others have done as they have walked before us, instead we will continue on with their heart, thier passion, but it will look completely different then what they have done, and we will be ok with that even when sometimes others find it hard to see past the style.
We will be changed.
Sending out. New places release new faces.
Music will be huge. It will play a big role in who we are and what we do.
On the streets we will take prophetic faith steps.
We will learn together.
There will be healing of the broken and the hopeless.
As we talked and prayed, I was able to grapple a bit more with what it means to be a part of this team. Honestly, I do stuggle with what my part will be. My place. I know that we all do. As I prayed I know I began to see more of God's heart. Hear his voice for what we will be doing, where I haven't before.
And I'd love to hear your thoughts.. What were your experiences in fasting and prayer?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
todays thoughts from pj..
hey team...another excerpt from an email i received from pj today.. enjoy..
WE STARTED A MOVE HERE TO REDEFINE WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE DO AT LUASANNE. WHAT HEATED AND QUITE FUN...THERE ARE 9 CANADIANS AND WE WERE REALLY VOCAL...AND IS PER USUAL...I STARTED IT BY ASKING SOME QUESTIONS AND NOT TAKING THE TOKEN RESPONSE...WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF US BEING HERE? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF GATHERING US TOGETHER? WHAT ARE THE ISSUES WE REALLY NEED TO BE WRESTLING WITH(UNREACHED PEOPLES, SOCIAL JUSTICE, ETC). AND HOW THE SESSIONS HAVE TENDED TO BE INFO MERCIALS FOR LUASANNE THAN ACTUAL TEACHING OR FORUMS...WAS REALLY COOL.
HAVE MADE SOME REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. IT IS FUNNY HOW QUICKLY THE CANADIANS HAVE CONNECTED. 2 FROM BURNABY. ONE OF THE GUYS IS A LEADER AT WILLINGDON IN BURNABY...SO ITS BEEN COOL TO TALK TO HIM.
WE STARTED A MOVE HERE TO REDEFINE WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE DO AT LUASANNE. WHAT HEATED AND QUITE FUN...THERE ARE 9 CANADIANS AND WE WERE REALLY VOCAL...AND IS PER USUAL...I STARTED IT BY ASKING SOME QUESTIONS AND NOT TAKING THE TOKEN RESPONSE...WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF US BEING HERE? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF GATHERING US TOGETHER? WHAT ARE THE ISSUES WE REALLY NEED TO BE WRESTLING WITH(UNREACHED PEOPLES, SOCIAL JUSTICE, ETC). AND HOW THE SESSIONS HAVE TENDED TO BE INFO MERCIALS FOR LUASANNE THAN ACTUAL TEACHING OR FORUMS...WAS REALLY COOL.
HAVE MADE SOME REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. IT IS FUNNY HOW QUICKLY THE CANADIANS HAVE CONNECTED. 2 FROM BURNABY. ONE OF THE GUYS IS A LEADER AT WILLINGDON IN BURNABY...SO ITS BEEN COOL TO TALK TO HIM.
Monday, September 25, 2006
some news from malaysia
jonathan emailed me today..
his email is not working at the hotel so has to stand in long lines to use a computer, so will let u in on some of the email he emailed me.. if u NEED to email him, give it to me and i will see what i can do for you. ;)
"i am overwhelmed by so many things. the conversations are so powerful...it is hard to process life once you have spent time with guys who are living the life out in iraq and egypt and syria or china. and they are nationals...not westerners. it demands so much of my heart and feels like in so many ways the Lord is giving my head a shake...just in terms of values and passion and how i live out who i am.
have spent time with the canadians...it is so cool how we natural group with each other regardless of where in canada we are from...not many other countries do that...in fact only china that i have noticed does that. i am one of a handful of penticostal/charasmatics from the western countries...lots of africans are...but not alot of others are...has led to some very interesting conversations. they all ask why we will not work with them. which of course breaks my heart...because i see the tendency of my life to isolate from those who do not or are not willing to believe as i do.
one of the guys from africa whose ministry is to muslim scholars talked to me about the fact that most of what we call faith is based in fear...we wont engage in relationship with muslims...we wont wrestle with them...or talk to them...and i see that reflected in a lot more than just our relationships with muslims...God help us."
will be good to hear all that is going on there..it may take weeks to download it all! :)
cheers.
trace
his email is not working at the hotel so has to stand in long lines to use a computer, so will let u in on some of the email he emailed me.. if u NEED to email him, give it to me and i will see what i can do for you. ;)
"i am overwhelmed by so many things. the conversations are so powerful...it is hard to process life once you have spent time with guys who are living the life out in iraq and egypt and syria or china. and they are nationals...not westerners. it demands so much of my heart and feels like in so many ways the Lord is giving my head a shake...just in terms of values and passion and how i live out who i am.
have spent time with the canadians...it is so cool how we natural group with each other regardless of where in canada we are from...not many other countries do that...in fact only china that i have noticed does that. i am one of a handful of penticostal/charasmatics from the western countries...lots of africans are...but not alot of others are...has led to some very interesting conversations. they all ask why we will not work with them. which of course breaks my heart...because i see the tendency of my life to isolate from those who do not or are not willing to believe as i do.
one of the guys from africa whose ministry is to muslim scholars talked to me about the fact that most of what we call faith is based in fear...we wont engage in relationship with muslims...we wont wrestle with them...or talk to them...and i see that reflected in a lot more than just our relationships with muslims...God help us."
will be good to hear all that is going on there..it may take weeks to download it all! :)
cheers.
trace
Friday, September 08, 2006
where am i?
hi team..family..community..
where am i?
well...currently i'm sittin in front of this pc at 11.38 pm, wondering if i should really blog this or not.. and i figured, why not?
so here i go.
this week has been extremely hard for me. some things i'm not at liberty to say, some things i am. anyhow, the amount of change going on inside me and around me is far more than i can bear. i have literally been in tears for the better part of this week.. tomoro am scares me to death. knowin that the entire team is now here scares me to death. knowing that my little world is not going to be the same scares me to death. knowing that god has a part for ME in this all scares me to death.
and my fricken name means couragous.. NICE.
i usually dont know how to articulate what i'm feeling in person, but i will try. please be patient and gracious with me as i try to be with you. i'm going deep, i'm diving in, in over my head i'm gonna be lost in the flood, in over my head i'm gonna go, the river's deep, the river's wide, the river's water is alive, so sink or swim...i'm divin in.
thanks steven.. your song is what i am holding onto this season.
night.
ps - erin and i are off to timmy's, at this hour...hehehe.. ;) word up hommies.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
crisis
i realize (i think i actually knew this before) that whenever crisis or confusion hits in my life my natural tendancy is to isolate and keep to myself... and from there i end up letting my mind take over and leave no room for faith...i'm thinking this is gonna have to change.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
i have so much in my heart right now after this week at camp, but no real words to speak. i just wanted to say hi to everyone... my heart has been stretched and encouraged and i'm not necessarily "ready" for what comes next, but I'm willing to run after it full force, with my fists tight and my jaw clenched, i'm excited for this next phase. I'm excited to walk it with you guys. thank you for all that you've shared up to now - i'm looking forward to seeing more of you.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
and tonight's last number..
watched part of my grandpa's memorial service tonight on DVD..
listened to myself singing my tribute to him.. and then got me thinking to me and what will be said at my grave, at my memorial.. then got thinking about this church plant, my life, my destiny, my purpose..
kinda wrote a poem, but not really..i think i have always sucked at poetry, but whatever..here's part of me tonight..
the lights are beginning to dim in the houses around me, the night is drawing near.
i think about the future and wonder why and what it is that i sometimes fear.
i could say it is my weaknesses, my lack and all my faults.
but i know that none of those qualify me to be knocked off.
instead it almost feels childlike, vulnerable yet exciting.
to know that my jesus will walk with us, oh how very inviting.
when i close my eyes and stop to see His face,
i see Him in every part of who i am and who i'll be.
streams of different songs running thru my head
but tonight as i get ready to lay my head down
this one holds to be the loudest instead:
there's only us
there's only this
forget regret or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day like today.
this is no day like today, my friends.
carpe diem - seize the day. god made YOU for THIS day.
and DANG, i'm bless that we're walking THIS day TOGETHER.
goodnight my family, i love you. <3
listened to myself singing my tribute to him.. and then got me thinking to me and what will be said at my grave, at my memorial.. then got thinking about this church plant, my life, my destiny, my purpose..
kinda wrote a poem, but not really..i think i have always sucked at poetry, but whatever..here's part of me tonight..
the lights are beginning to dim in the houses around me, the night is drawing near.
i think about the future and wonder why and what it is that i sometimes fear.
i could say it is my weaknesses, my lack and all my faults.
but i know that none of those qualify me to be knocked off.
instead it almost feels childlike, vulnerable yet exciting.
to know that my jesus will walk with us, oh how very inviting.
when i close my eyes and stop to see His face,
i see Him in every part of who i am and who i'll be.
streams of different songs running thru my head
but tonight as i get ready to lay my head down
this one holds to be the loudest instead:
there's only us
there's only this
forget regret or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day like today.
this is no day like today, my friends.
carpe diem - seize the day. god made YOU for THIS day.
and DANG, i'm bless that we're walking THIS day TOGETHER.
goodnight my family, i love you. <3
from the middle of nowhere
hey everyone...
sittin here with jonathan in madisonville kentucky...caleb's sleepin, and we're just trying to make sense of the past couple days. i have been thinking of you guys the past couple days. i don't claim to know some of you at all...but i want you to know that the more i talk about God's dream, the more i dream of following jesus' wild eyes together.
there's no way for me to articulate everything that's been said on our trip; that would be both mindless and lifeless. but i did want to let you know how awesome it's been to bare our/your hearts to some really cool people...and for them to assure us that yes, we're out of our minds...but in the same sentence remind us that no, we're not alone in this mission. in fact, mark swank said it this way: the fact that the dream in our heart in irrational, unsupported by current planting research/writing, and culturally daunting is the very evidence of the indisputable/irrefutable nature of God's purpose/plan in our hearts. our 'craziness' is proof and assurance that maybe...just maybe we might be stumbling into the great storehouses of Christ's eternal kingdom. God has a plan for our nation, and what He needs are people who are willing to trust the big picture to Him...knowing that He cares most about those who He will reach in burnaby.
sooooo encouraging for me...j and i have remarked several times that more than gleaning new info/strategy/vision, we've been reassured that God has actually already spoken to our [and that's ALL of us] hearts!! a starting proposition, i know...that we've actually heard His heart!!
oh i want more.
enough for now. will share some more once i'm home.
dar and i are sooo looking forward to being near to you.
continue to pray for jonathan and caleb as they start their motorcycle pilgrimage tomorrow.
sw
sittin here with jonathan in madisonville kentucky...caleb's sleepin, and we're just trying to make sense of the past couple days. i have been thinking of you guys the past couple days. i don't claim to know some of you at all...but i want you to know that the more i talk about God's dream, the more i dream of following jesus' wild eyes together.
there's no way for me to articulate everything that's been said on our trip; that would be both mindless and lifeless. but i did want to let you know how awesome it's been to bare our/your hearts to some really cool people...and for them to assure us that yes, we're out of our minds...but in the same sentence remind us that no, we're not alone in this mission. in fact, mark swank said it this way: the fact that the dream in our heart in irrational, unsupported by current planting research/writing, and culturally daunting is the very evidence of the indisputable/irrefutable nature of God's purpose/plan in our hearts. our 'craziness' is proof and assurance that maybe...just maybe we might be stumbling into the great storehouses of Christ's eternal kingdom. God has a plan for our nation, and what He needs are people who are willing to trust the big picture to Him...knowing that He cares most about those who He will reach in burnaby.
sooooo encouraging for me...j and i have remarked several times that more than gleaning new info/strategy/vision, we've been reassured that God has actually already spoken to our [and that's ALL of us] hearts!! a starting proposition, i know...that we've actually heard His heart!!
oh i want more.
enough for now. will share some more once i'm home.
dar and i are sooo looking forward to being near to you.
continue to pray for jonathan and caleb as they start their motorcycle pilgrimage tomorrow.
sw
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
home
We went camping with my mom's side of the family this weekend.. it was Smith's and us... all 6 of us cousins were there! probably won't happen again for a while, but it was awesome while it lasted...
i travelled with Mike and Alison and we went to the farm on Thursday night before going to Cypress Hills on Friday. We got there at about 1am so everyone was in bed... all was quiet... even as we drove into the yard my heart began to stir... this is what i wrote in my journal that night...
"there hasn't been a time in the last couple years that I've been here and part of me hasn't longed for this place. I come into the yard I see the changes and I wish I was here more. perhaps it's an illusion that i'm chasing... perhaps my memory is far rosier than reality but for some reason this place stirs up some sort of longing in my heart... perhaps it's for the country itself but i'm begining to wonder if it isn't rather what this place, this farm represents for me. a place i can always come "home" to... a place that embraces all people, every size, shape and color... a place that will forever hold so many memories of laughter and love and stability in the midst of change and uncertainty. Can there be such a place in everyone's life? Is it possible that this what the "church" should feel like to people... a place of love and acceptance, stability and consistancy, a place to come home to?"
i guess this is the essence of community but i realize when i'm thrown back to the times and places that i've experienced it that it's what everyone is longing for and so few people truely have...
maybe it's what we will become for people...
i travelled with Mike and Alison and we went to the farm on Thursday night before going to Cypress Hills on Friday. We got there at about 1am so everyone was in bed... all was quiet... even as we drove into the yard my heart began to stir... this is what i wrote in my journal that night...
"there hasn't been a time in the last couple years that I've been here and part of me hasn't longed for this place. I come into the yard I see the changes and I wish I was here more. perhaps it's an illusion that i'm chasing... perhaps my memory is far rosier than reality but for some reason this place stirs up some sort of longing in my heart... perhaps it's for the country itself but i'm begining to wonder if it isn't rather what this place, this farm represents for me. a place i can always come "home" to... a place that embraces all people, every size, shape and color... a place that will forever hold so many memories of laughter and love and stability in the midst of change and uncertainty. Can there be such a place in everyone's life? Is it possible that this what the "church" should feel like to people... a place of love and acceptance, stability and consistancy, a place to come home to?"
i guess this is the essence of community but i realize when i'm thrown back to the times and places that i've experienced it that it's what everyone is longing for and so few people truely have...
maybe it's what we will become for people...
Friday, July 21, 2006
downtown east side of van
hey peeps..just saw this article this am on msn news...
interesting..
http://healthandfitness.sympatico.msn.ca/News/ContentPosting.aspx?newsitemid=29717022&feedname=CP-HEALTH&show=True&number=3&showbyline=False&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc
this is where we're headed peeps.. :)
anybody excited yet?!?
interesting..
http://healthandfitness.sympatico.msn.ca/News/ContentPosting.aspx?newsitemid=29717022&feedname=CP-HEALTH&show=True&number=3&showbyline=False&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc
this is where we're headed peeps.. :)
anybody excited yet?!?
Monday, July 17, 2006
dang..
so read this in my morning quotemeal...shoot the dog, man..sheesh..
lemme be more like a flower or what?!?!
Forgiveness is the fragrance that a flower leaves upon the heel
that crushes it.
-- Author Unknown
lemme be more like a flower or what?!?!
Forgiveness is the fragrance that a flower leaves upon the heel
that crushes it.
-- Author Unknown
good old crazy john..
Mark 1 (The Message)
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
John the Baptizer
1-3The good news of Jesus Christ—the Message!—begins here, following to the letter the scroll of the prophet Isaiah. Watch closely: I'm sending my preacher ahead of you; He'll make the road smooth for you. Thunder in the desert! Prepare for God's arrival! Make the road smooth and straight!
4-6John the Baptizer appeared in the wild, preaching a baptism of life-change that leads to forgiveness of sins. People thronged to him from Judea and Jerusalem and, as they confessed their sins, were baptized by him in the Jordan River into a changed life. John wore a camel-hair habit, tied at the waist with a leather belt. He ate locusts and wild field honey.
7-8As he preached he said, "The real action comes next: The star in this drama, to whom I'm a mere stagehand, will change your life. I'm baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. His baptism—a holy baptism by the Holy Spirit—will change you from the inside out."
9-11At this time, Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. The moment he came out of the water, he saw the sky split open and God's Spirit, looking like a dove, come down on him. Along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are my Son, chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life."
so ya..this is what i read this am.. and i stopped at it..didn't read past.. wondering how this fits in with where we are going/what we are doing..
the only things i sensed, which i think were good for me was, this:
Thunder in the desert! Prepare for God's arrival! Make the road smooth and straight!
i dunno..for me, it says a few things.. where we have been, in the desert, for some of us, and perhaps in more ways than we know we are going to another desert, a desolate land where there are many thirsting, maybe there the thunder of lord will sound.. here, as we go forth, and there as we prepare the way of the lord.
the "make the road smooth and straight" part - as we follow after him, he will lead us. as we obey, as we listen, as we pray, as we follow..
and who john was... John wore a camel-hair habit, tied at the waist with a leather belt. He ate locusts and wild field honey. DANG - he was strange.. he was so different - people loved it. people will love that we are different for a reason.. be who HE has called you to be.. here in estevan, there in burnaby.. dont conform..
i'm excited. for the preparation ahead..for the thunder..for the road.. where you at?
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
John the Baptizer
1-3The good news of Jesus Christ—the Message!—begins here, following to the letter the scroll of the prophet Isaiah. Watch closely: I'm sending my preacher ahead of you; He'll make the road smooth for you. Thunder in the desert! Prepare for God's arrival! Make the road smooth and straight!
4-6John the Baptizer appeared in the wild, preaching a baptism of life-change that leads to forgiveness of sins. People thronged to him from Judea and Jerusalem and, as they confessed their sins, were baptized by him in the Jordan River into a changed life. John wore a camel-hair habit, tied at the waist with a leather belt. He ate locusts and wild field honey.
7-8As he preached he said, "The real action comes next: The star in this drama, to whom I'm a mere stagehand, will change your life. I'm baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. His baptism—a holy baptism by the Holy Spirit—will change you from the inside out."
9-11At this time, Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. The moment he came out of the water, he saw the sky split open and God's Spirit, looking like a dove, come down on him. Along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are my Son, chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life."
so ya..this is what i read this am.. and i stopped at it..didn't read past.. wondering how this fits in with where we are going/what we are doing..
the only things i sensed, which i think were good for me was, this:
Thunder in the desert! Prepare for God's arrival! Make the road smooth and straight!
i dunno..for me, it says a few things.. where we have been, in the desert, for some of us, and perhaps in more ways than we know we are going to another desert, a desolate land where there are many thirsting, maybe there the thunder of lord will sound.. here, as we go forth, and there as we prepare the way of the lord.
the "make the road smooth and straight" part - as we follow after him, he will lead us. as we obey, as we listen, as we pray, as we follow..
and who john was... John wore a camel-hair habit, tied at the waist with a leather belt. He ate locusts and wild field honey. DANG - he was strange.. he was so different - people loved it. people will love that we are different for a reason.. be who HE has called you to be.. here in estevan, there in burnaby.. dont conform..
i'm excited. for the preparation ahead..for the thunder..for the road.. where you at?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
my heart
hey everyone...
wanted to share something that god spoke into my heart tonight at church. darlene and i are attending centre street church in calgary while we're here; it's her family's home church...and also one of canada's biggest and most influential ones. it's a blessing to observe for a time the tremendous gift that their church offers this community...and incredible to sense the work god is doing.
anyway...tonight one of their pastors spoke on the story of jesus healing lazarus. he spoke with a narrative approach...which more or less means he tried to tell a story, and then make/give insight. it was good...and maybe we'll talk about it sometime. but what was cool is that his whole talk centred around the mystery...the uncontainable, uncontrollable, unpredictable nature of jesus...and how He kept/keeps His disciples guessing. at the end the talk, the pastor gave a few moments for silent reflection...challenging us to view some words on the screen, to listen for the holy spirit...to encounter the mystery of christ.
and you know what? i've been pressing for the past couple months to really hear Him; we soooo desperately need to know His voice for what we're doing. so it makes sense that the pastor's challenge would ring true with my heart.
so up come the words on the screen.
and the first page said this...and it echoed in my heart...
...the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged... [Deut. 31:8]
you guys need to know something. there are some days that i fight fear about what we're dreaming of...but that's not my vice. what i fight daily is my inherent analytical, critical nature that often screens everything negatively. my time in toronto, while filled with unmistakable growth and encounter with jesus, was marked with incredible times of discouragement. and so what i fight most often is not a fear of the future...but discouragement over the past and present realities of my faith, the church, the world, etc.
and that why this verse hit my heart...because god was giving his assurance to his people that they were not to fear the promised land, and they were not be discouraged when obstacles/difficulty/darkness came. and that's what i need...i need his reminder...i need his nearness. he goes before us into burnaby...even now. he promises his immediacy as we try to settle in that city. he will not abandon us there. he will NOT abandon his dream for our nation; it's his spirit that's fanning it into flame in our hearts.
so...let me know what you think...what you hear. be encouraged.
wanted to share something that god spoke into my heart tonight at church. darlene and i are attending centre street church in calgary while we're here; it's her family's home church...and also one of canada's biggest and most influential ones. it's a blessing to observe for a time the tremendous gift that their church offers this community...and incredible to sense the work god is doing.
anyway...tonight one of their pastors spoke on the story of jesus healing lazarus. he spoke with a narrative approach...which more or less means he tried to tell a story, and then make/give insight. it was good...and maybe we'll talk about it sometime. but what was cool is that his whole talk centred around the mystery...the uncontainable, uncontrollable, unpredictable nature of jesus...and how He kept/keeps His disciples guessing. at the end the talk, the pastor gave a few moments for silent reflection...challenging us to view some words on the screen, to listen for the holy spirit...to encounter the mystery of christ.
and you know what? i've been pressing for the past couple months to really hear Him; we soooo desperately need to know His voice for what we're doing. so it makes sense that the pastor's challenge would ring true with my heart.
so up come the words on the screen.
and the first page said this...and it echoed in my heart...
...the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged... [Deut. 31:8]
you guys need to know something. there are some days that i fight fear about what we're dreaming of...but that's not my vice. what i fight daily is my inherent analytical, critical nature that often screens everything negatively. my time in toronto, while filled with unmistakable growth and encounter with jesus, was marked with incredible times of discouragement. and so what i fight most often is not a fear of the future...but discouragement over the past and present realities of my faith, the church, the world, etc.
and that why this verse hit my heart...because god was giving his assurance to his people that they were not to fear the promised land, and they were not be discouraged when obstacles/difficulty/darkness came. and that's what i need...i need his reminder...i need his nearness. he goes before us into burnaby...even now. he promises his immediacy as we try to settle in that city. he will not abandon us there. he will NOT abandon his dream for our nation; it's his spirit that's fanning it into flame in our hearts.
so...let me know what you think...what you hear. be encouraged.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
i'm in
hey everybody...just got back from camp, and am signin in...
we had a great week. am more and more aware that the hinge of our 'plant' lies in the work of God in our hearts. so this is what i'm pushin for...
blessings to each of ya. look forward to our times together.
we had a great week. am more and more aware that the hinge of our 'plant' lies in the work of God in our hearts. so this is what i'm pushin for...
blessings to each of ya. look forward to our times together.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
wow that was hard work...
Holy moley... that took so much effort just to get registered... i'm not sure i can handle this blogging stuff... just joking (kinda!)i will write more i promise... right now i need to get some work done though.
Prepare for War
i emailed this to pj after yesterday morning at prayer... and well i guess i can share it with everyone else to.... so here you go:
as we were praying
this morning i was asking God to prepare us all for what's to come in
Burnaby and i was reminded how it says Prepare the warriors in Joel... so i
went there and began to read... i was struck by something just before that
verse...
"Now what have you against me, O Tyre and Sidon and all you regions of
Philistia? Are you repaying me for something I have done? If you are
paying me back, I will swiftly and speedily return on your own heads what
you have done. For you took my silver and my gold and carried off my finest
treasures to your temples. You sold the people of Judah and Jerusalem to
the Greeks, that you mihgt send them far away from their homeland.
See, I am going to rouse them out of the places to which you sold them,
and I will return on your own heads what you have done. I will sell your
sons and daughters to the people of Judah and they will sell them to the
Sabeans, a nation far away." The LORD has spoken.
Then of course it goes onto "proclaim this among the nations; prepare for
war! rouse the warriors!.. etc.." and so i'm not sure if i'm taking this
out of context which is likely, and i could be not understanding some stuff
which is again, likely... but i felt God say something to me about this:
I know we have an enemy - we may not have entire nations against us, but we
have an enemy that wants to kill, steal, and destroy- a lot like this is
talking about. This enemy has taken treasures from us, and taken worth
away to things that we once counted priceless, he has led us astray as a
people to believe in lies. I feel the call of God is to draw together as an
army against our enemy - to draw from the diverse places that we have been
scattered among - those places we have been sold to - whether that be an all
consuming job, a broken family, a past full of abuse, pornography,
addiction... We are to draw together from those places and use what we
already have as weapons against the enemy... "beat your plowshares into
swords, your pruning hooks into spears".
I believe that we are called to Burnaby as these people... people who have
an enemy, people who have been stolen from, people who's hearts have been
scattered... but also people who have been called by God to draw together
and prepare for war! I also believe that we are called not only to be these
people but to find these scattered hearts - the ones who are in the middle
of the enemy's field.... lost in an unknown land - but one that has become
so familiar - and we are to draw them back into the heart of Jesus - our
hope - they are to become part of His army.
as we were praying
this morning i was asking God to prepare us all for what's to come in
Burnaby and i was reminded how it says Prepare the warriors in Joel... so i
went there and began to read... i was struck by something just before that
verse...
"Now what have you against me, O Tyre and Sidon and all you regions of
Philistia? Are you repaying me for something I have done? If you are
paying me back, I will swiftly and speedily return on your own heads what
you have done. For you took my silver and my gold and carried off my finest
treasures to your temples. You sold the people of Judah and Jerusalem to
the Greeks, that you mihgt send them far away from their homeland.
See, I am going to rouse them out of the places to which you sold them,
and I will return on your own heads what you have done. I will sell your
sons and daughters to the people of Judah and they will sell them to the
Sabeans, a nation far away." The LORD has spoken.
Then of course it goes onto "proclaim this among the nations; prepare for
war! rouse the warriors!.. etc.." and so i'm not sure if i'm taking this
out of context which is likely, and i could be not understanding some stuff
which is again, likely... but i felt God say something to me about this:
I know we have an enemy - we may not have entire nations against us, but we
have an enemy that wants to kill, steal, and destroy- a lot like this is
talking about. This enemy has taken treasures from us, and taken worth
away to things that we once counted priceless, he has led us astray as a
people to believe in lies. I feel the call of God is to draw together as an
army against our enemy - to draw from the diverse places that we have been
scattered among - those places we have been sold to - whether that be an all
consuming job, a broken family, a past full of abuse, pornography,
addiction... We are to draw together from those places and use what we
already have as weapons against the enemy... "beat your plowshares into
swords, your pruning hooks into spears".
I believe that we are called to Burnaby as these people... people who have
an enemy, people who have been stolen from, people who's hearts have been
scattered... but also people who have been called by God to draw together
and prepare for war! I also believe that we are called not only to be these
people but to find these scattered hearts - the ones who are in the middle
of the enemy's field.... lost in an unknown land - but one that has become
so familiar - and we are to draw them back into the heart of Jesus - our
hope - they are to become part of His army.
prayer and fasting..
howdy peeps...
dunno if you are all aware of the prayer and fasting going on specifically for our church plant, tues and fridays 7am and noon.
i went to my first one yesterday noon - it was incredible.
i didn't knwo where i should start so decided to pray the part on the prayer guide "team prayer list"..
so i prayed every sentence over every person, including caleb, rosie and hayley.. i only got thru to number 4 in the hour!! but it was good.. and i got some specific things to pray out of them for us... so will post them below, in the order that i went thru the notes:
1. "passionate in relationship with god"
:: scott - dependance on Holy Spirit guidance - to NOT try and figure out stuff before taking the risk.
:: darlene - continual filling of the Holy Spirit and dependance on His guidance - that in this new season of "mommyness"
:: caleb - infilling of the Holy Spirit - that he would receive and walk in power at a young age. (i was a MESS after this one!!)
:: megan - victory over the temptation to recluse and to think that you have nothing to say in all this.
:: zaira - victory over temptation to settle - in life, relationships, calling, ministry, etc.
:: trace - disciplined and JOY in worship, prayer and bible study...sigh..ya. :)
:: caleb - victory over the temptation to think he's not "good enough".
:: rosie - victory over the temptation to compare her beauty with others. (again a mess..sigh)
:: pj - willing submission and participation with jesus as He develops character - that as one of the key leaders, his willingness will trailblaze for the rest of us.
:: pj & trace - grace, flexibility, wisdom and strength for difficult situations and demanding schedules - being the only ones who have lived communally and knowing all it entails, to help the rest of the team adjust, process, fight fair, etc.. that we would be most like jesus in some of the foreseeable toughest times..
(this one is pretty much for us all big time!! there were just a few specifics on some of them)
:: scott & darlene - as a couple, grace, flexibility, wisdom and strength for difficult situations and demanding schedules - that they would be able to process together all this without it overwhelming them - but being on the same page, the "same team" amidst it all.
:: meryl - grace, flexibility, wisdom and strength, etc... - that because it WILL be difficult and different, its ok. that jesus will give you all you need to be who you are.
:: megan & meryl - comfort when facing culture shock, fear discouragement.
:: brian - god's joy in serving - that it would not just be a task, but an outpouring of what is in your heart.
:: erin - grace and wisdom, comfort for culture shock (the bigness of it all) lonliness and fear.
:: zaira - god's comfort over fear and discouragement.
3. "strong family relationships"
:: jtca - that the lord would help us to adjust to a new way of life..again. :) to continue to strengthen our individual inner family relationships (jtca) and not them slip, or not intentionally build them. that our kids would grow and become so much great in relationship with Jesus - that this experience would go into their DNA for them to become better people for it. help us to balance home life and ministry and homelife communally and our little family. help us to know and have clear boundaries within our family and within our community family relationships.
:: sdh - that their marriage / they would allow others "in", in a sense (as lived as the twosome for a long time, and used to just each other basically - which is not bad, just real. =] ) to speak into their marriage/lives, be mentors to the younger, ask for input/help when needed. help now the newness of the need to balance homelife and ministry. that hayley would grow with such a realization of His love thru this experience, that she would know she is surrounded by much love. help them to build clear boundaries with other relationships.
:: bm - that their marriage would become even stronger with this experience, and depend upon each other more - easy to go to others in community than to each other, to fill what the other person was intended to fill. that they would make time for themselves. that their boundaries would be established in the relationships around them.
:: erin - content with being single, integrity and strong healthy relationships with others. not afraid to make new relationships outside of community - but to risk. :) know and make clear boundaries in relationships.
:: megan - content with being single - that the holy spirit would help her discern relationships made beyond community. to know and make clear boundaries in relationships. would look to You to fill her needs rather than others.
:: zaira - content with being single and trust the lord with her mate. to seek and run with god with nothing holding back. to know and make clear boundaries in relationships.
so ya..that's what i got thru yesterday noon hour.
i love you guys tremendously. and pray for you much.
trace
Saturday, July 08, 2006
A nutshell about to break
I keep looking back to the blog page, see if anyone has any visions, or revelations that God gave to them about Burnaby, but it's been empty since May. So, I'll tell you what's on my heart about Burnaby...My desire is to understand and know the fact that Burnaby is REAL. When first encountered with the dream of Burnaby, my first reaction was, "no, that's not for me, that's for someone with talent". And here I am. Faced with a city too big for me to imagine, too big for me to comprehend. This city was a dream I have always wanted to grasp, but never was able to go near or understand, not until the plan of God was in motion. Once in a GC service around 4 years ago, I was sitting in His presence, and my heart was aching for missions, My heart has always wanted something different from my culture. My prayer that day was, "God, my heart cries to go to the different cultures, and to be a missionary, to go where there are different people, to be in their world". As I said those words, I looked down at a Canadian flag sticker that was on my Bible, and His words were. "I've called you to Canada". After hearing that, my heart was stone to the words spoken to me, and I choose to forget about what he said because what He said wasn't what I wanted to hear. It wasn't until around March or April when I was talking to Kim about me going to Burnaby, God opened that memory, and I knew, I just knew. I desired to go to the different countries, and what God was saying to me at the GC service is that I am going to different countries, but within my country, I am called to Canada so I can connect to people who are desperate to see a light. That is such a scary thought, but I'm so desperate for Jesus, that I don't care anymore. I don't care to see my fears and shrink, I want to go with all my heart. There are moment's in which I forget that I'm going to Burnaby and I'm oblivious to the fact that this is real and I feel as if I'm in a dream waiting to wake up. There are moments where my heart is heavy, and I want to scream because I'm so desperate to go, to be a light to the world of darkness, in those moments, I have no fear and i want to run, run hard. There are moments where I feel I won't make it, that I can't do it, that the lies in my brain keep saying that I have no talent and that I'm going to fail, that this is meant for another person who actually make a difference. Sigh...I pray that I don't become a lazy bum, or a procrastinator, in which I let other people do the work for me, because I tend to run away from responsibility, and have others do my work. I pray that I when I live in a community that I will look to the ways of my family and learn to walk with them, not away from them. I pray that I will be able to connect to people in Burnaby, the immigrants, the people born in Canada, and the people who are different from me. God is stretching, and molding me. He has been preparing me for such a time as this. He knows, and He will strengthen myself, and the group going. God is amazing, and I can't cease to be continually amazed by his strength His power and His ways. I love Him.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
thoughts..
Hey,
As I was praying this morning...had a couple thoughts...i would like to start to post(on the coming website) any words, impressions, scriptures, thoughts, prayer requests, etc...so that we can create a prayer/vision wall for the church plant...so send me anything and everything you have and/or get as you are praying and thinking...make sense? THIS MEANS EVERYONE BY THE WAY! chuckle.
cuz really...we are taking over the world!
pj
As I was praying this morning...had a couple thoughts...i would like to start to post(on the coming website) any words, impressions, scriptures, thoughts, prayer requests, etc...so that we can create a prayer/vision wall for the church plant...so send me anything and everything you have and/or get as you are praying and thinking...make sense? THIS MEANS EVERYONE BY THE WAY! chuckle.
cuz really...we are taking over the world!
pj
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies ... the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
